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Becoming an intentional leader — Day 1 (month 1, week 1) Vision

Last May, I attended the Chick-fil-A Leadercast. It was a powerful event and food for my growth plan. I learned a number of lessons that day, and have been mindful to apply them over this past 8 months, and have shared a number of them with others. I purchased a number of books through the Leadercast and received a couple of additional benefits. One of them, a booklet called Intentional Leader, created by Giant Impact (the organization that runs the Leadercast every year). I rediscovered it last week while organizing my home office. It offers twelve months of lessons, broken out for a 5-day week (with prep work for weekends), with each month focused on a different topic. At the end of each day’s lesson is one or more questions, intended to help the reader dig deeper into their thought processes and beliefs.

I’m a couple of weeks past the start of the year, but there’s no time like the present to learn and grow. So, I’m starting today. Won’t you join me?

Month 1 is Vision; week one is Personal Vision; day one is…

Leading others well begins with leading yourself well. And without a strong personal vision driving your own leadership, even this task can prove difficult.

In the beginning, the first, most critical step towards becoming an effective leader is self-awareness. You must know your strengths and weaknesses. You must understand what it is you seek to achieve. Once you understand your vision, you must be able to articulate it. Then, you must reinforce your words with your actions. Hold strong against the people and forces you will inevitably encounter that will attempt to deter you from your path.

Envision yourself succeeding, and refuse to let failure deter your vision.

My personal vision is to continue to grow and to reach out to as many people as I can to share the gifts I’ve been given, adding value to whomever crosses my path along my journey. To that end, I’ve invested in myself in many ways throughout my life — classes, workshops, seminars, reading, gleaning wisdom from a variety of mentors, and surrounding myself with others who share my passion and are also on a growth journey. I’ve become a John Maxwell certified Coach, Trainer, and Speaker, and am building a business focused on helping others discover their passion, overcome self-limiting beliefs, develop and implement plans to reach their goals, and to realize their full potential.

I’ve got the beginning steps in place and I can see the next few I need to take, but I’m a long way from fully realizing my dream and my potential. But that’s ok, because I know it’s a journey and it will take me some time. This is the kind of work — for me at least — that comes so naturally and is so fulfilling, the idea of “retiring” doesn’t seem very appealing!

Question: What may be preventing you from confidently believing in your personal vision?

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Another simple, yet powerful question

So often, as we consider various actions and options, we ask “Can I?”

I don’t know about you, but I find that to be a very limiting question. It assumes there is a yes or a no answer. Are you able or are you not? Do you have permission, resources, etc…?

It’s very black and white. I have come to realize that I prefer to live more in the gray areas. You know, those places where the answer to most questions is “It depends,” because there are so many variables to consider.

What if we changed the question to “How can I?”

How can I?

Asking “how can I?” assumes that whatever you want to do is, in fact, possible. It may take some focused brainpower, some innovation, some reflection, some consideration of ideas you may not have wanted to pursue…it may take you to some uncomfortable places and cause you to need to learn something new…but, it assumes whatever you want to do is possible.

In the early 1990’s, I was single, lived alone in a small, one-bedroom apartment, and worked in a credit union. I had been looking at and wanting some furniture — a sofa and oversized chair and ottoman — for several years, but never felt I could afford. One day, I was in the furniture store’s clearance center and saw one of the chairs there. I sent me into a brief panic, thinking that line was being closed out and would no longer be available when I eventually felt I could afford to buy it.

For several years, I had been looking at purchasing this furniture in the “can I?” mode.

I was suddenly very motivated to do some real research. I discovered it wasn’t being closed out; I could still order it. I discovered when the next significant sale would be. I worked out a plan to have the pieces I wanted delivered to a location near where I lived (the store I was shopping in was nearly 4 hours from my home), and found someone with a truck and trailer who could pick it up. I spent a lot of time considering my finances and what I was willing to do differently with respect to spending and saving and planning.

I had shifted gears into “how can I?” mode. And this made all the difference.

I’m not saying it happened overnight, was easy, and required no sacrifice on my part, but it happened. Several months after seeing the chair in the clearance center, I was lounging comfortably on my new sofa, next to my beautiful oversized chair, which just barely fit into my tiny apartment. I loved that furniture til the day I donated it to a local mission a number of years later (big changes in my life, resulted in new furniture needs!).

I realize this is a pretty simplistic — and insignificant — example of how using this question can change your perspective, your ingenuity, your creativity, and your outcomes, but it represents the concept well enough, I think.

Let me know how asking “HOW can I?” is changing your life.

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Defining success…and what it’s worth

I have a lot of conversations with friends, clients, colleagues, and sometimes even strangers, about what success means to them. These are educated, motivated, hard-working, individuals who would appear — from the outside and based on what society seems to define as success — to be successful. They hold good jobs in interesting fields, earn good salaries, live in nice places, are able to vacation, wear nice clothes, etc…

Frequently, however, I find that when I ask them what success means to them, they don’t have an answer. For some, it is money, nice house, nice car, latest fashion, ability to mingle with all the “right” people, attend the “right” events…for others, it’s just the opposite. They want to be successful, but struggle with the idea that it means all of the material things, with which they are uncomfortable.

This topic got me thinking about a wedding I was in nearly 20 years ago. I lived nearly 1200 miles from the bride (a dear friend from 4th grade!) and groom, so I knew only one other person in the bridal party (also a friend since 4th grade). Not too long after the wedding, my friend shared a story about one of the groomsmen and his wife. He worked in sales and I believe she was a homemaker. They had a couple of kids, big, nice house (no small feat in Southern California, even 20 years ago), new cars…all the great things money could buy, right? They were getting divorced. The wife was complaining that the husband was never home, didn’t help with the kids, didn’t pay enough attention to her, didn’t do things around the house, etc. You’ve heard this story, right? Turns out, it was true…but why? Well, his response was, “I have to work these kinds of hours to earn the money to pay for all this stuff!” So, while he earned a nice living and could afford to keep them in style, he couldn’t be home to share and enjoy any of it. In the end, it cost his marriage and his family. Was it worth it? Only they can answer that question, but from my perspective, probably not!

Further along this train of thought, I think about how there are so many in our society caught up in this kind of a mess…working hard to earn money for nice houses, cars, things, and when we earn more money, we aren’t satisfied with what we already have, so we upgrade…and then we have to keep working harder and longer hours to make more money to support all the stuff that we no longer have the time or energy to enjoy!

I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to be on that train! I’m rethinking and redefining what success means to me. Success is a relative thing, though. What works for one person or family may not work for the next person.

Now, I’m not saying making a good living is a bad thing. I want to earn a decent living, to provide for my family, live comfortably, know that I can cover a major car repair or other unexpected event, take a vacation once in a while, and also splurge on frivolous things once in a while. I also want enough money to be able to give it away to people and causes that touch my heart and make me want to be a better person. I want time to be creative outside of work, to spend with my family, to read good books, take long walks, have deep conversations with friends old and new. Yes, I want things money can buy, and so much more that money has no bearing on.

The good news is: You get to decide. You get to define what success means to you and what you’re willing to pay for it. You are the person who needs to be comfortable and satisfied with the decisions you make and the actions you take each day.

In the book The Rhythm of Life, author Matthew Kelly encourages the reader to define what he or she wants from life. In fact, he says being able to answer that question is far more important than anything else he will write in the rest of the book, so put the book down and come back to it after you’ve figured it out…This is on page 12 of the book! I’ve shared this with quite a few people since I read it a few months ago, and I still don’t know if any of them have made it past page 12.

What does success mean to you?

What is it worth to you? What are you willing to give in exchange?

I encourage you to take the time to really think this through. Allow yourself the freedom to define it on your own terms; liberate yourself from the expectations and pressure of the outside world. Be true to yourself and those you love.

As many of us have probably experienced, if we don’t define it, someone will do it for us…and we will wake up one day, look around, and think: “How on earth did I get here? What is all this stuff? I didn’t want this…”

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