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Recognizing the need to “show up”

I’ve recently finished reading two memoirs, one by Rob Lowe (Stories I Only Tell My Friends) and one by Andrew McCarthy (The Longest Way Home: One Man’s Quest for the Courage to Settle Down), and actually enjoyed them both very much.

Both shared stories of their personal journeys, and while they phrase it differently, both were (are) striving to become a better version of themselves so they are able to “show up” and really be present for the people they love. As McCarthy put it, it wasn’t just about being able to be physically present with his family – that would be easy enough – but more importantly to be emotionally present, available, vulnerable, and truly connect with his loved ones.

As they both “grew up” in the insanity of Hollywood, it may be easy for us to think we know them as we’ve heard stories about them for years in the media – but I caution you from making that mistake; all is not necessarily what it appears to be on the surface. Yes, they made mistakes. Yes, they drank too much, partied too hard. And yes, thankfully, they recognized there was more to life than that and that their previous behaviors were not going to get them to the places and people they longed for.

Through it all, they proved that everyone has issues, challenges, fears, hopes, dreams, and makes mistakes; the hard stuff in life is not withheld from the wealthy, popular, and privileged. Life is life. People are people. Regardless of our circumstances, we all struggle with something.

…dreams coming true don’t change your feelings.

As Lowe said at one point, I tried to “outrun loneliness, outrun feeling ‘different,’ and outrun the shock that dreams coming true don’t change your feelings.” It reminded me of the saying: “Wherever you go, there YOU are.” Meaning, the grass may seem greener on the other side, but when you go there, you still have all your personal baggage…issues, fears, insecurities…it all goes with you. So the key is to change yourself, and maybe your environment, as well. But changing just your environment won’t bring you to the place you long to be.

Nothing in life is unfair. It’s just life. To the extent that I had any inner turmoil, I had only myself to blame.

At another point, Lowe says, “So, I came to the realization: Nothing in life is unfair. It’s just life. To the extent that I had any inner turmoil, I had only myself to blame.” I like this because it reminds me to take personal responsibility for my circumstances. Stuff happens in life; sometimes good, sometimes bad, and sometimes neutral. What matters is how I choose to approach it and what decisions I make about how I move forward. 

Near the end, Lowe says, “I also thought of my two boys and what kind of example I hoped to be. I would always want them to take charge of their own futures and not be paralyzed by the comfort and certainty of the status quo or be cowed by the judgment of those on the outside looking in.” High hopes for this father of two; but isn’t this what we would all want for our children, our loved ones, ourselves?

I applaud McCarthy and Lowe not only for taking the journey and being open to its lessons, but also for having the courage to bare at least a sliver of their souls to us in telling the stories; through their growth, we can be inspired and perhaps approach our own journeys with some assurance that we are not alone.

As the saying goes, I am striving to never settle for the path of least resistance, as I know that is the road to complacency. Complacency means no growth, and that doesn’t work for me. It’s also about continuing to reach for those things I know in my heart to be true and right for me, which doesn’t always match up with what others think I should be doing. 

What do you need to do to be able to truly “show up” for your life?

What journey are you – or should you be – on?

How will you chronicle your adventures and lessons learned?

Will you share it with others, so they can learn from your experiences?

*Please don’t get the impression I didn’t enjoy McCarthy’s story as much as Lowe’s; I just didn’t take notes as I went through it – I will when I re-read it.

 

 

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Are you living on “Someday Isle”?

Picture it…beautiful, sunny, tropical island. You’ve seen it in travel brochures, Corona commercials, and countless web links. Amazingly clean white sandy beaches, palm trees, a hammock or oh-so-comfy lounge chair overlooking ocean that is an impossibly blue-green color. Sounds delightful? Unfortunately, it’s the wrong place!

Several weeks ago, I was on a coaching call with a client and he shared this quote with me: “On the road to success, we often find ourselves living on Someday Isle,” attributed to Brian Tracy. (My sincere apologies, Brian, if I didn’t get it exactly right.) This thought has reverberated through my brain ever since.

On the road to success, we often find ourselves living on Someday Isle.

Clearly, the Isle is not some tropical island in the South Pacific; what he’s really referring to is “someday I’ll,” as in “someday, I will…” presumably do something, that one seems to never really get around to.

Sad to say, I am intimately familiar with this Isle; it is the place a dear woman once in my life repeatedly told me she was going to get to “one of these first days.” I resisted the urge to ask her exactly which days on the calendar “these first days” were, because in my heart I knew they would never appear on any calendar and she would never do any of those things she spoke of.  Perhaps she, too, recognized she would never do those things either, and maybe it felt better to her to say it that way than to admit she had no intention of following through. Maybe she thought it would feel better to those people who would someday be on the receiving end of all those delightful things she said she would do “one of these first days.” I don’t know about the rest of them, but it left me feeling disappointed and sad.

I have to admit, I struggle with procrastination, as well. Not on the very important things, most of the time. But I sometimes find myself wanting to do the easier things, the more rewarding things before tackling the things that will be less immediately rewarding but are important nonetheless. As I’m becoming more self-aware, I am quicker about recognizing my lapses in focus and can get back on track faster than I did earlier in my life.

With increased self-awareness, I strive to be more intentional in my thoughts and actions, with a keener awareness of the consequences of my actions and inactions. And I recognize that when I procrastinate, I am the one who really loses. And I am acutely aware that this is “not a dress rehearsal.” It’s important to me that I not reach a point in my life when I look back and say things like: I’m so sad I never….I wish I would have gotten around to doing…I wonder how my life would have been different if only I had…

I’m currently reading The 15 Invaluable Laws of Growth, by John Maxwell; I’m currently facilitating a Mastermind Group studying this book.  In one of the early chapters, John recounts a lesson he learned about procrastination and his focus on “do it now.” It’s a mantra he repeats each day before rising and each night before drifting off to sleep. I think it’s invaluable advice; a practice I am working on myself.

This is truly a hard habit to break. So allow yourself time to develop and internalize new habits, ones that better serve you and what you are striving to achieve. The key is getting started. And there’s no time like today, right now, this minute!

What are you procrastinating about getting done?

What are you missing out on by continuing to put things off?

Just how much time are you willing to spend on Someday Isle?

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Small miracles, revisited

It’s been a week since I said I wanted to start a movement and challenged you to ask the simple question, “If you could have a small miracle today, what would it be?”

I wonder, have you done it?

I have asked a number of people and have received some interesting responses. Most notably, several people repeated the question, seemingly rolling it around in their mouths to really get the feel for it before responding…and when they did, they typically said they had pretty much what they needed, and didn’t feel the need to ask for anything more. 

I got the sense they really appreciated the simple gesture of my asking the question and then truly listening to their response.

I did, however, have the opportunity to act in a few cases. I did a little research on invitations for a co-worker who is planning a birthday party for her twin boys, with a “spy” theme. I provided more than a few people with Hershey’s dark chocolate kisses. One person wanted to send “peace” to someone she was once close to, whom she knows is struggling with some serious issues. Of course, I’m not powerful enough to actually put this person at peace, but I can send focused, positive thoughts in the right direction.

So, the week may be over but the opportunity is ever present. I will continue to ask the question and do my best to respond to the needs of the people around me.

What about you? What response did you get when you asked the question, and how did you respond? How did you feel? 

Please, don’t be shy…we’re all waiting to hear your stories…just click into the “comments” box below!

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