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The brush of a feather…or a 2 x 4?

I am blessed to be mentored by Paul Martinelli, President of the John Maxwell Team. This last week he offered a lesson on coming to a place of harmony in one’s life.

If we understand that every thing is made from energy and every thing has a vibration, a frequency, this lesson will be easier to grasp.

If you are in a place in your life where all is as it should be, and you are in harmony, your frequency will be in sync with every thing around you. If you are not in harmony, then your vibration will be out of sync with every thing around you and you will begin to experience discomfort. Think of it as static — mixed signals making a lot of annoying, distracting noise — similar to what you might experience with a radio station from time-to-time.

Typically, it’s while you are in this state that you may feel the whisper-light brush of a feather on your cheek…and it may be nudging you in a new direction.

If you are self-aware enough to feel the brush of the feather and recognize it for what it is, you may allow yourself to move in that new direction- recognizing that it is time for you to make a change in some aspect of your life. If you don’t, the feather will continue its efforts to capture your attention and nudge you in the new direction, and it will become stronger, and stronger, and stronger, until it becomes a 2 x 4…and if you ignore the 2 x 4, it will soon feel as if you have been hit with a ton of bricks!

The message: It’s time for a change!

It’s time for a change!

I have experienced this on numerous occasions in my life, and if you look at my work history (or my sister’s address book entries for me!) you will begin to get the picture. I am not a maintainer; I am a concept developer, a starter, a “get it rolling and let someone else take over to handle the details and deal with the closure, while I move on to the next thing…” person. I love the challenge of change and the opportunity it provides for me to learn, grow, stretch, and discover.

As a result, in my professional life, once I feel I have mastered my responsibilities, I seek new ones. If it happened that I could do that with the same employer, life was good. If it happened that the opportunity wasn’t there, it was time to move on. For example, one of my jobs involved handling employee communication, media relations, grower communication (like stock holders), community relations, and managing a company store. As such, I was responsible for monthly and quarterly newsletters, for supporting a variety of community organizations — including attending a series of special events held at the same time each year, and a number of other tasks that quickly became routine. Once I felt I had mastered those routine tasks, and needed something new to keep my interest, I got involved with some HR initiatives to develop a high-performing organization. I took responsibility for leading the company’s Corporate Social Responsibility efforts.

When I discussed my career aspirations with the CEO, he said I could get involved in anything I wanted and take on any new responsibilities I was interested in, but he didn’t foresee the company hiring someone new to take on some of my “routine” duties. So, I could grow my position as much as I wanted, but I would not be able to shed any responsibilities. My response: If this “role/job/title” is all I will ever be here, then I’m in the wrong place, because I know I am destined to do more, to be more…It was time to leave. So, I did. It was a heart-wrenching decision, as this was the healthiest company I had ever worked for (and still holds that distinction), with people I enjoyed working with and learning from.

I have had this experience several times over the course of my career (20+ years). It’s not that the companies I’ve worked for were necessarily bad, or that the jobs I’ve held were bad…I simply outgrew them.

Looking back on that particular experience, I believe I recognized the brush of the feather fairly early. I branched out, took on new things, learned new skills, worked   on key initiatives not in my primary area of responsibility, and still I needed more. I needed to be able to let go of some things, so I could continue to take on the new things, continue to learn, grow, and be challenged. When I discovered it was not to be, at least not there, perhaps that was when the 2 x 4 hit me! It certainly resulted in significant changes in my life: Sold my house, moved to a new area, started a new job with a new challenge…

This message was very timely for me, as I am currently in that place again. I have one foot in one world and one foot in another world, one that I recognize as my true purpose, passion, reason for being here…this world I know is my future. I have some work to do to make the transition complete but I’ve followed the feather and am adjusting my course. I see all new road signs on this path, and they are directing me to my rightful place.

I am thankful for the experiences, the people who have guided me along the way, and the opportunities that are opening up for me.

What about you? Are you uncomfortable? Out-of-sync with people and/or circumstances in your life? Do you feel the static? Do you have one foot in one world and one foot in another? Or have you not taken the step because you are fearful?

Have you felt the feather brush your cheek? Or have you been hit by a 2 x 4?

Try being still…just breathe and listen…

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Recognizing the need to “show up”

I’ve recently finished reading two memoirs, one by Rob Lowe (Stories I Only Tell My Friends) and one by Andrew McCarthy (The Longest Way Home: One Man’s Quest for the Courage to Settle Down), and actually enjoyed them both very much.

Both shared stories of their personal journeys, and while they phrase it differently, both were (are) striving to become a better version of themselves so they are able to “show up” and really be present for the people they love. As McCarthy put it, it wasn’t just about being able to be physically present with his family – that would be easy enough – but more importantly to be emotionally present, available, vulnerable, and truly connect with his loved ones.

As they both “grew up” in the insanity of Hollywood, it may be easy for us to think we know them as we’ve heard stories about them for years in the media – but I caution you from making that mistake; all is not necessarily what it appears to be on the surface. Yes, they made mistakes. Yes, they drank too much, partied too hard. And yes, thankfully, they recognized there was more to life than that and that their previous behaviors were not going to get them to the places and people they longed for.

Through it all, they proved that everyone has issues, challenges, fears, hopes, dreams, and makes mistakes; the hard stuff in life is not withheld from the wealthy, popular, and privileged. Life is life. People are people. Regardless of our circumstances, we all struggle with something.

…dreams coming true don’t change your feelings.

As Lowe said at one point, I tried to “outrun loneliness, outrun feeling ‘different,’ and outrun the shock that dreams coming true don’t change your feelings.” It reminded me of the saying: “Wherever you go, there YOU are.” Meaning, the grass may seem greener on the other side, but when you go there, you still have all your personal baggage…issues, fears, insecurities…it all goes with you. So the key is to change yourself, and maybe your environment, as well. But changing just your environment won’t bring you to the place you long to be.

Nothing in life is unfair. It’s just life. To the extent that I had any inner turmoil, I had only myself to blame.

At another point, Lowe says, “So, I came to the realization: Nothing in life is unfair. It’s just life. To the extent that I had any inner turmoil, I had only myself to blame.” I like this because it reminds me to take personal responsibility for my circumstances. Stuff happens in life; sometimes good, sometimes bad, and sometimes neutral. What matters is how I choose to approach it and what decisions I make about how I move forward. 

Near the end, Lowe says, “I also thought of my two boys and what kind of example I hoped to be. I would always want them to take charge of their own futures and not be paralyzed by the comfort and certainty of the status quo or be cowed by the judgment of those on the outside looking in.” High hopes for this father of two; but isn’t this what we would all want for our children, our loved ones, ourselves?

I applaud McCarthy and Lowe not only for taking the journey and being open to its lessons, but also for having the courage to bare at least a sliver of their souls to us in telling the stories; through their growth, we can be inspired and perhaps approach our own journeys with some assurance that we are not alone.

As the saying goes, I am striving to never settle for the path of least resistance, as I know that is the road to complacency. Complacency means no growth, and that doesn’t work for me. It’s also about continuing to reach for those things I know in my heart to be true and right for me, which doesn’t always match up with what others think I should be doing. 

What do you need to do to be able to truly “show up” for your life?

What journey are you – or should you be – on?

How will you chronicle your adventures and lessons learned?

Will you share it with others, so they can learn from your experiences?

*Please don’t get the impression I didn’t enjoy McCarthy’s story as much as Lowe’s; I just didn’t take notes as I went through it – I will when I re-read it.

 

 

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Taking stock and clearing out the clutter

The “town” (I say this in quotes because we have a Mayor and City Council, but our town is only houses and families…no services…seems funny to me!) has a community yard sale day twice a year; yesterday was the latest. It marked the 5th time we’ve participated, although on a much smaller scale than in years past. I kept the door open for only two hours, rather than six, but it felt so good to move some of our things on to others who will find them useful, even though we don’t, any longer.

In recent months, I’ve had a very strong need to clean things out, both literally and figuratively. I’ve been cleaning out my closets and drawers, throwing things away, and sending stuff to Goodwill and Salvation Army with the hope that someone else may get some good use out of the things I no longer need, want, use. Some days, this need is so strong, it’s a physical vibration (well, this makes sense if all things are energy, flowing into and out of things, then it’s just my frequency responding…) and I am compelled to clean, sort, and toss.

It feels much better to have what I need and use, and not be confronted with too many choices about what to wear and use each day.

There used to be a time when my purchases were based on what they cost, not necessarily on quality or value. These days, I am in a position to think less about cost and base decisions on quality and value, and it’s a much better place, to be sure. Take my wardrobe, for instance. I’ve never been a fashion plate, leaning more toward the comfortable than the latest fashions. I want what I buy to be things I truly love, feel good in, and know I can wear for years — both because the styles will still be fine, and because they are of such a quality that they will still be in great shape for some time.

What does this have to do with personal growth and leadership, you are probably asking yourself. Well, here’s the parallel, at least in my mind.

As I get older, I’m more focused, more in tune with myself and what I need to be a whole, healthy, happy person who is able to contribute and add value to others. As with the things in my closets, cupboards, and drawers, I am also taking stock of who I am, what I have to offer, how I want to spend my time, and with whom I want to share it.

One of my mentors, John Maxwell, shares that at the end of each year, he takes a week off to review how he spent the past year, before he plans for the coming year. He considers each person he’s spent time with in terms of whether the relationship was positive, one that added value to his life and lifted him up, or whether it was one of those relationships that suck the life out of you (my words, not his!). Based on this reflection, he decides who he wants to spend more time with in the coming year (think ‘life energy’) and who he will spend less (or no) time with in the future. He follows the same pattern with engagements, meetings, and other activities.

John understands that this is not a dress rehearsal. We get only one shot at this thing we call life and he wants it to be a quality experience. Me, too!

I want to spend my time with quality, like-minded people. I need to spend time with people who are better at the things I want to learn and in the areas in which I want to grow. I need to read good books; ones that make me think, expose me to new ideas, challenge my perceptions about what is possible, and allow me to learn from others’ experiences. This is not to say I don’t read the occasional frivolous fiction (I can’t help but lose myself in the ridiculous world of Stephanie Plum from time to time!)…but the point is, I am working on being more intentional about how I spend my time and who I spend it with.

I know many people think in terms of “spring cleaning,” but fall has always been a time of renewal for me. Although, I suspect, this will be an on-going process for me from now on, as each day I understand more fully that growth in any area is a daily process, a daily activity…not just something one does for some pre-determined amount of time (four years of college, perhaps…) and then is done. The thing is, I’m not done, and doubt I ever will be.

My questions for you are these:

When do you take stock of your life and how you are spending your life energy?
How often, and how frequently, do you spend time in reflection?
Does that time reinforce the good and right in your life?
Does it lead you to explore new paths, and make changes?
Are you any closer to understanding the difference between need and want?

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