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The architect of your success

A couple of weeks ago, I was listening to Christian Simpson, the Coaching Mentor for the John Maxwell Team, and he said something so profound I wrote it down. 

He said: The architect of your success is not your intellect; it is, in fact, your belief system.

The architect of your success is not your intellect; it is, in fact, your belief system.

In essence, he is saying it doesn’t matter how smart you are; being smart will not guarantee your success. The key is what you believe about yourself and your abilities. 

I grew up in what I believe is actually a pretty normal family (defining “normal” as some level of obvious dysfunction, which I think most of us have; as I don’t believe the “Leave it to Beaver” or “Ozzie and Harriet” families were real…). Because of my circumstances, I learned, very early, to be independent and self-sufficient. This has served me well in many situations, and has been detrimental in others. However, because of – or in spite of – those circumstances, I also grew up with what turns out to be a pretty strong belief in my ability to succeed at whatever I set my mind to.

I can remember the first time I verbalized this to someone, during a job interview more than 20 years ago. I said, “Unless you ask me to do brain surgery or something akin to nuclear physics, it doesn’t occur to me that I might not be successful. I am self-aware enough to recognize what I don’t know, which means when faced with a challenge I realize I will likely need to learn some new things along the way, pick up some new skills, find some new resources, perhaps meet some new people…but I’m confident I can succeed.”

And when given the opportunity and the challenge, I have set forth to do just that, acquiring the knowledge and resources I’ve needed along the way. And when I’ve made certain decisions in my life, I didn’t have a Plan B to fall back on, just in case. Perhaps it was fool-hardy, but I was determined to reach my goal.

This is not to say I haven’t failed, for surely I have, and plenty of times…in minor ways and in major, life-changing ways. On those occasions, I have taken the time to reflect on my actions and experiences, so that I may carry the lessons forward, and hopefully not make the same mistakes twice.

I’ve just started facilitating a Mastermind Group using John Maxwell’s newest book, The 15 Invaluable Laws of Growth. The group was blessed, on October 2, with John himself teaching the first two chapters. Last night, I facilitated the Chapter 3 lesson: The Law of the Mirror.

Simply put, the law says, “You must see value in yourself to add value to yourself.” John goes on to explain that the value we place on ourselves is usually the value others will place on us; the world isn’t likely to up your price tag.

The lesson: What you believe about yourself will determine your future success. How you talk to yourself makes an enormous difference. So nurture the voice in your head that is supportive, encouraging, and confident in you. Let the other voice know you really don’t have time for it these days; it will eventually get the message and quiet down.

Whether you think you can or think you can’t, you are right

When Henry Ford said, “Whether you think you can or think you can’t, you are right,” he hit the nail on the head.   

What do you believe about yourself? And how is that belief propelling you forward or holding you back?

 

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Would you like to press the “undo” button on your life?

In 2011, I participated in the Leadership West Virginia program. It was a tremendously valuable experience for me in more ways than I could recount quickly. One of the more memorable experiences was part of a service project my class decided to take on. We connected with the West Virginia College Summit program to act as mentors to high school students preparing for college; many times as the first person in their family to attend college.

Essentially, during one of our monthly LWV sessions, we were paired up with a College Summit student to act as a mentor, offering guidance on completing applications, writing essays, evaluating classes and areas of study. I remember so distinctly the young with whom I was paired. When asked what she planned to study, she talked of wanting to be a teacher. Her face lit up; her eyes were alive and full of energy; her voice was full of eagerness, and the desire to make a difference in the lives of children.

Then, she went on to explain that she would likely look into nursing or some other type of medical technologist position. As she made this change in fields of study, her whole demeanor changed. The light was gone from her eyes; her face no longer animated; her voice filled more with resignation than anything that could be interpreted as interest or excitement. Curious about such a drastic change, I asked her if she was aware of it…and why she would consider such a different career, and one that seemed to hold very little interest for her. Her response: Money.

We talked about this for some time. I acknowledged that, yes, making a decent living is certainly an important consideration, but suggested she might consider that she would be exchanging her precious life energy for that money, and it might serve her well to really think about what was more important — making more money at an unfulfilling job or making less money in a role where she truly made a difference in the lives of children, and by extension, her community and the world.

I have no idea what she decided; unfortunately, I’ve not heard from her since. I hope she makes the decision that fills her heart with joy, for it would be in that capacity that she would truly make an invaluable difference in the lives of many.

Her situation is not uncommon. In fact, according to a survey published in a recent Parade Magazine article, of the more than 26,000 people surveyed, about 60% said they would switch paths if they had the opportunity to do it over again.

In some ways, it’s an amazing result, and in others, not at all surprising. Nearly daily, I talk with people who are doing what it takes to get by, to make a living, working at a job, not in an area of passion. The survey shows that 34% describe their mood on Sunday night as “minor dread,” with another 9% in “despair” over the need to return to work on Monday.

It’s a sad commentary on our society, I think. So much wasted talent, energy, and passion! What’s worse, though, is discovering so many believe they are “doomed” to continue down this path — with no potential for change, even though it’s not what they wanted.

I wonder how so many people seem to have lost sight of the fact that the power is within them to make the changes. A new acquaintance so eloquently stated: This is NOT a dress rehearsal! We get one life to live. I hope you are making it meaningful.

If not, what will it take to shift you from your current paradigm about what is possible to the one that will allow you to realize your dreams and your potential?

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Defining success…and what it’s worth

I have a lot of conversations with friends, clients, colleagues, and sometimes even strangers, about what success means to them. These are educated, motivated, hard-working, individuals who would appear — from the outside and based on what society seems to define as success — to be successful. They hold good jobs in interesting fields, earn good salaries, live in nice places, are able to vacation, wear nice clothes, etc…

Frequently, however, I find that when I ask them what success means to them, they don’t have an answer. For some, it is money, nice house, nice car, latest fashion, ability to mingle with all the “right” people, attend the “right” events…for others, it’s just the opposite. They want to be successful, but struggle with the idea that it means all of the material things, with which they are uncomfortable.

This topic got me thinking about a wedding I was in nearly 20 years ago. I lived nearly 1200 miles from the bride (a dear friend from 4th grade!) and groom, so I knew only one other person in the bridal party (also a friend since 4th grade). Not too long after the wedding, my friend shared a story about one of the groomsmen and his wife. He worked in sales and I believe she was a homemaker. They had a couple of kids, big, nice house (no small feat in Southern California, even 20 years ago), new cars…all the great things money could buy, right? They were getting divorced. The wife was complaining that the husband was never home, didn’t help with the kids, didn’t pay enough attention to her, didn’t do things around the house, etc. You’ve heard this story, right? Turns out, it was true…but why? Well, his response was, “I have to work these kinds of hours to earn the money to pay for all this stuff!” So, while he earned a nice living and could afford to keep them in style, he couldn’t be home to share and enjoy any of it. In the end, it cost his marriage and his family. Was it worth it? Only they can answer that question, but from my perspective, probably not!

Further along this train of thought, I think about how there are so many in our society caught up in this kind of a mess…working hard to earn money for nice houses, cars, things, and when we earn more money, we aren’t satisfied with what we already have, so we upgrade…and then we have to keep working harder and longer hours to make more money to support all the stuff that we no longer have the time or energy to enjoy!

I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to be on that train! I’m rethinking and redefining what success means to me. Success is a relative thing, though. What works for one person or family may not work for the next person.

Now, I’m not saying making a good living is a bad thing. I want to earn a decent living, to provide for my family, live comfortably, know that I can cover a major car repair or other unexpected event, take a vacation once in a while, and also splurge on frivolous things once in a while. I also want enough money to be able to give it away to people and causes that touch my heart and make me want to be a better person. I want time to be creative outside of work, to spend with my family, to read good books, take long walks, have deep conversations with friends old and new. Yes, I want things money can buy, and so much more that money has no bearing on.

The good news is: You get to decide. You get to define what success means to you and what you’re willing to pay for it. You are the person who needs to be comfortable and satisfied with the decisions you make and the actions you take each day.

In the book The Rhythm of Life, author Matthew Kelly encourages the reader to define what he or she wants from life. In fact, he says being able to answer that question is far more important than anything else he will write in the rest of the book, so put the book down and come back to it after you’ve figured it out…This is on page 12 of the book! I’ve shared this with quite a few people since I read it a few months ago, and I still don’t know if any of them have made it past page 12.

What does success mean to you?

What is it worth to you? What are you willing to give in exchange?

I encourage you to take the time to really think this through. Allow yourself the freedom to define it on your own terms; liberate yourself from the expectations and pressure of the outside world. Be true to yourself and those you love.

As many of us have probably experienced, if we don’t define it, someone will do it for us…and we will wake up one day, look around, and think: “How on earth did I get here? What is all this stuff? I didn’t want this…”

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