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The architect of your success

A couple of weeks ago, I was listening to Christian Simpson, the Coaching Mentor for the John Maxwell Team, and he said something so profound I wrote it down. 

He said: The architect of your success is not your intellect; it is, in fact, your belief system.

The architect of your success is not your intellect; it is, in fact, your belief system.

In essence, he is saying it doesn’t matter how smart you are; being smart will not guarantee your success. The key is what you believe about yourself and your abilities. 

I grew up in what I believe is actually a pretty normal family (defining “normal” as some level of obvious dysfunction, which I think most of us have; as I don’t believe the “Leave it to Beaver” or “Ozzie and Harriet” families were real…). Because of my circumstances, I learned, very early, to be independent and self-sufficient. This has served me well in many situations, and has been detrimental in others. However, because of – or in spite of – those circumstances, I also grew up with what turns out to be a pretty strong belief in my ability to succeed at whatever I set my mind to.

I can remember the first time I verbalized this to someone, during a job interview more than 20 years ago. I said, “Unless you ask me to do brain surgery or something akin to nuclear physics, it doesn’t occur to me that I might not be successful. I am self-aware enough to recognize what I don’t know, which means when faced with a challenge I realize I will likely need to learn some new things along the way, pick up some new skills, find some new resources, perhaps meet some new people…but I’m confident I can succeed.”

And when given the opportunity and the challenge, I have set forth to do just that, acquiring the knowledge and resources I’ve needed along the way. And when I’ve made certain decisions in my life, I didn’t have a Plan B to fall back on, just in case. Perhaps it was fool-hardy, but I was determined to reach my goal.

This is not to say I haven’t failed, for surely I have, and plenty of times…in minor ways and in major, life-changing ways. On those occasions, I have taken the time to reflect on my actions and experiences, so that I may carry the lessons forward, and hopefully not make the same mistakes twice.

I’ve just started facilitating a Mastermind Group using John Maxwell’s newest book, The 15 Invaluable Laws of Growth. The group was blessed, on October 2, with John himself teaching the first two chapters. Last night, I facilitated the Chapter 3 lesson: The Law of the Mirror.

Simply put, the law says, “You must see value in yourself to add value to yourself.” John goes on to explain that the value we place on ourselves is usually the value others will place on us; the world isn’t likely to up your price tag.

The lesson: What you believe about yourself will determine your future success. How you talk to yourself makes an enormous difference. So nurture the voice in your head that is supportive, encouraging, and confident in you. Let the other voice know you really don’t have time for it these days; it will eventually get the message and quiet down.

Whether you think you can or think you can’t, you are right

When Henry Ford said, “Whether you think you can or think you can’t, you are right,” he hit the nail on the head.   

What do you believe about yourself? And how is that belief propelling you forward or holding you back?

 

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Would you like to press the “undo” button on your life?

In 2011, I participated in the Leadership West Virginia program. It was a tremendously valuable experience for me in more ways than I could recount quickly. One of the more memorable experiences was part of a service project my class decided to take on. We connected with the West Virginia College Summit program to act as mentors to high school students preparing for college; many times as the first person in their family to attend college.

Essentially, during one of our monthly LWV sessions, we were paired up with a College Summit student to act as a mentor, offering guidance on completing applications, writing essays, evaluating classes and areas of study. I remember so distinctly the young with whom I was paired. When asked what she planned to study, she talked of wanting to be a teacher. Her face lit up; her eyes were alive and full of energy; her voice was full of eagerness, and the desire to make a difference in the lives of children.

Then, she went on to explain that she would likely look into nursing or some other type of medical technologist position. As she made this change in fields of study, her whole demeanor changed. The light was gone from her eyes; her face no longer animated; her voice filled more with resignation than anything that could be interpreted as interest or excitement. Curious about such a drastic change, I asked her if she was aware of it…and why she would consider such a different career, and one that seemed to hold very little interest for her. Her response: Money.

We talked about this for some time. I acknowledged that, yes, making a decent living is certainly an important consideration, but suggested she might consider that she would be exchanging her precious life energy for that money, and it might serve her well to really think about what was more important — making more money at an unfulfilling job or making less money in a role where she truly made a difference in the lives of children, and by extension, her community and the world.

I have no idea what she decided; unfortunately, I’ve not heard from her since. I hope she makes the decision that fills her heart with joy, for it would be in that capacity that she would truly make an invaluable difference in the lives of many.

Her situation is not uncommon. In fact, according to a survey published in a recent Parade Magazine article, of the more than 26,000 people surveyed, about 60% said they would switch paths if they had the opportunity to do it over again.

In some ways, it’s an amazing result, and in others, not at all surprising. Nearly daily, I talk with people who are doing what it takes to get by, to make a living, working at a job, not in an area of passion. The survey shows that 34% describe their mood on Sunday night as “minor dread,” with another 9% in “despair” over the need to return to work on Monday.

It’s a sad commentary on our society, I think. So much wasted talent, energy, and passion! What’s worse, though, is discovering so many believe they are “doomed” to continue down this path — with no potential for change, even though it’s not what they wanted.

I wonder how so many people seem to have lost sight of the fact that the power is within them to make the changes. A new acquaintance so eloquently stated: This is NOT a dress rehearsal! We get one life to live. I hope you are making it meaningful.

If not, what will it take to shift you from your current paradigm about what is possible to the one that will allow you to realize your dreams and your potential?

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Taking stock and clearing out the clutter

The “town” (I say this in quotes because we have a Mayor and City Council, but our town is only houses and families…no services…seems funny to me!) has a community yard sale day twice a year; yesterday was the latest. It marked the 5th time we’ve participated, although on a much smaller scale than in years past. I kept the door open for only two hours, rather than six, but it felt so good to move some of our things on to others who will find them useful, even though we don’t, any longer.

In recent months, I’ve had a very strong need to clean things out, both literally and figuratively. I’ve been cleaning out my closets and drawers, throwing things away, and sending stuff to Goodwill and Salvation Army with the hope that someone else may get some good use out of the things I no longer need, want, use. Some days, this need is so strong, it’s a physical vibration (well, this makes sense if all things are energy, flowing into and out of things, then it’s just my frequency responding…) and I am compelled to clean, sort, and toss.

It feels much better to have what I need and use, and not be confronted with too many choices about what to wear and use each day.

There used to be a time when my purchases were based on what they cost, not necessarily on quality or value. These days, I am in a position to think less about cost and base decisions on quality and value, and it’s a much better place, to be sure. Take my wardrobe, for instance. I’ve never been a fashion plate, leaning more toward the comfortable than the latest fashions. I want what I buy to be things I truly love, feel good in, and know I can wear for years — both because the styles will still be fine, and because they are of such a quality that they will still be in great shape for some time.

What does this have to do with personal growth and leadership, you are probably asking yourself. Well, here’s the parallel, at least in my mind.

As I get older, I’m more focused, more in tune with myself and what I need to be a whole, healthy, happy person who is able to contribute and add value to others. As with the things in my closets, cupboards, and drawers, I am also taking stock of who I am, what I have to offer, how I want to spend my time, and with whom I want to share it.

One of my mentors, John Maxwell, shares that at the end of each year, he takes a week off to review how he spent the past year, before he plans for the coming year. He considers each person he’s spent time with in terms of whether the relationship was positive, one that added value to his life and lifted him up, or whether it was one of those relationships that suck the life out of you (my words, not his!). Based on this reflection, he decides who he wants to spend more time with in the coming year (think ‘life energy’) and who he will spend less (or no) time with in the future. He follows the same pattern with engagements, meetings, and other activities.

John understands that this is not a dress rehearsal. We get only one shot at this thing we call life and he wants it to be a quality experience. Me, too!

I want to spend my time with quality, like-minded people. I need to spend time with people who are better at the things I want to learn and in the areas in which I want to grow. I need to read good books; ones that make me think, expose me to new ideas, challenge my perceptions about what is possible, and allow me to learn from others’ experiences. This is not to say I don’t read the occasional frivolous fiction (I can’t help but lose myself in the ridiculous world of Stephanie Plum from time to time!)…but the point is, I am working on being more intentional about how I spend my time and who I spend it with.

I know many people think in terms of “spring cleaning,” but fall has always been a time of renewal for me. Although, I suspect, this will be an on-going process for me from now on, as each day I understand more fully that growth in any area is a daily process, a daily activity…not just something one does for some pre-determined amount of time (four years of college, perhaps…) and then is done. The thing is, I’m not done, and doubt I ever will be.

My questions for you are these:

When do you take stock of your life and how you are spending your life energy?
How often, and how frequently, do you spend time in reflection?
Does that time reinforce the good and right in your life?
Does it lead you to explore new paths, and make changes?
Are you any closer to understanding the difference between need and want?

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