Further into Ed Gungor’s book, One Small Barking Dog, I encounter the section on Courage. This is big, isn’t it?
As defined by Merriam-Webster:
Courage: mental or moral strength to venture, persevere, and withstand danger, fear, or difficulty
Gungor states we need courage not only to face ordinary life, but to confront the places where we have been broken emotionally or psychologically. These kinds of experiences can be toxic and the residue has the power to poison our lives for many years to come…if we don’t do the work we need to do to get past them.
Exercising courage isn’t quick, easy, or painless. It takes a certain level of fortitude, persistence, and determination. And yet, millions of people demonstrate courage daily.
Others, however, choose to become the victim. This kind of thinking puts one in the place of believing that whatever happens to us has the power to determine who we will become. It can leave us believing that we have no control, no choices, no power to make different decisions. Certainly, we cannot control everything that happens to us in the course of our lives. We can, however, decide how we will respond to what happens. NOTE that I didn’t say “react.” I was very deliberate in my usage of “respond.”
Responding to a situation means we think about what has happened and what our options are in taking some action after. It allows us to consider the risks, benefits, implications, and consequences of our words and actions BEFORE we speak or take them. To simply react is to allow our emotions to take over and when we react, we often speak or act without thinking, and the results can be painful, dangerous, damaging, destructive to ourselves and others.
I was once very close to a person who chose to become a victim. According to him, everything in his life was the result of luck — mostly of the bad variety. He believed he was unable to influence the things going on around him. And the resignation of this position was quite damaging to him; I believe it lead to depression and despair. It was quite damaging to many of the relationships he claimed to hold dear. As the person on the outside looking in, it was very draining for me just being in proximity. Of course, the other side of this is that his belief is 180 degrees away from my belief.
I believe I have the power, ability, and responsibility for what happens in my life. Don’t misunderstand – I have no illusion of being in control of what happens. I believe I have the power to influence what happens. I have the ability to choose how I respond to what happens. And I take responsibility for the choices I make, the way I respond, and what I will do going forward.
I’m not saying I don’t have bad experiences, but the effects typically do not linger long. I find it wasteful to wallow. There’s much to be done and I’m not at my destination, yet, so I must get back up and keep moving forward.
I have been wounded, I have been broken, I have felt lost. But even after my most heartbreaking experiences, I have woken up the next morning to a new day and the realization that if I am, indeed, still here, there must be something I am meant to do…So, I get up and get moving.
Courage means we don’t bury the pain, the hurtful experiences, the negative voices in our heads; rather it means we must confront them. Bring them into the full light of day and see them fully. It’s not easy to get to the root of some of our most self-limiting beliefs, but we are well served to spend the time in reflection, get to some understanding, and commit to moving forward to becoming the best possible version of ourselves possible.
If you are feeling some pain, consider it a gift. It’s telling you something very important. If you listen to it, explore it, come to terms with it — face it with courage, you will emerge better for the experience on the other side.
As the small dog would do (and I witnessed my small dogs — Bean-dip and Houdini — do on more than one occasion), brace yourself; bare your teeth; growl if it makes you feel better; and face your life head on, with courage.
It’s worth it!
