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Would you like to press the “undo” button on your life?

In 2011, I participated in the Leadership West Virginia program. It was a tremendously valuable experience for me in more ways than I could recount quickly. One of the more memorable experiences was part of a service project my class decided to take on. We connected with the West Virginia College Summit program to act as mentors to high school students preparing for college; many times as the first person in their family to attend college.

Essentially, during one of our monthly LWV sessions, we were paired up with a College Summit student to act as a mentor, offering guidance on completing applications, writing essays, evaluating classes and areas of study. I remember so distinctly the young with whom I was paired. When asked what she planned to study, she talked of wanting to be a teacher. Her face lit up; her eyes were alive and full of energy; her voice was full of eagerness, and the desire to make a difference in the lives of children.

Then, she went on to explain that she would likely look into nursing or some other type of medical technologist position. As she made this change in fields of study, her whole demeanor changed. The light was gone from her eyes; her face no longer animated; her voice filled more with resignation than anything that could be interpreted as interest or excitement. Curious about such a drastic change, I asked her if she was aware of it…and why she would consider such a different career, and one that seemed to hold very little interest for her. Her response: Money.

We talked about this for some time. I acknowledged that, yes, making a decent living is certainly an important consideration, but suggested she might consider that she would be exchanging her precious life energy for that money, and it might serve her well to really think about what was more important — making more money at an unfulfilling job or making less money in a role where she truly made a difference in the lives of children, and by extension, her community and the world.

I have no idea what she decided; unfortunately, I’ve not heard from her since. I hope she makes the decision that fills her heart with joy, for it would be in that capacity that she would truly make an invaluable difference in the lives of many.

Her situation is not uncommon. In fact, according to a survey published in a recent Parade Magazine article, of the more than 26,000 people surveyed, about 60% said they would switch paths if they had the opportunity to do it over again.

In some ways, it’s an amazing result, and in others, not at all surprising. Nearly daily, I talk with people who are doing what it takes to get by, to make a living, working at a job, not in an area of passion. The survey shows that 34% describe their mood on Sunday night as “minor dread,” with another 9% in “despair” over the need to return to work on Monday.

It’s a sad commentary on our society, I think. So much wasted talent, energy, and passion! What’s worse, though, is discovering so many believe they are “doomed” to continue down this path — with no potential for change, even though it’s not what they wanted.

I wonder how so many people seem to have lost sight of the fact that the power is within them to make the changes. A new acquaintance so eloquently stated: This is NOT a dress rehearsal! We get one life to live. I hope you are making it meaningful.

If not, what will it take to shift you from your current paradigm about what is possible to the one that will allow you to realize your dreams and your potential?

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Defining success…and what it’s worth

I have a lot of conversations with friends, clients, colleagues, and sometimes even strangers, about what success means to them. These are educated, motivated, hard-working, individuals who would appear — from the outside and based on what society seems to define as success — to be successful. They hold good jobs in interesting fields, earn good salaries, live in nice places, are able to vacation, wear nice clothes, etc…

Frequently, however, I find that when I ask them what success means to them, they don’t have an answer. For some, it is money, nice house, nice car, latest fashion, ability to mingle with all the “right” people, attend the “right” events…for others, it’s just the opposite. They want to be successful, but struggle with the idea that it means all of the material things, with which they are uncomfortable.

This topic got me thinking about a wedding I was in nearly 20 years ago. I lived nearly 1200 miles from the bride (a dear friend from 4th grade!) and groom, so I knew only one other person in the bridal party (also a friend since 4th grade). Not too long after the wedding, my friend shared a story about one of the groomsmen and his wife. He worked in sales and I believe she was a homemaker. They had a couple of kids, big, nice house (no small feat in Southern California, even 20 years ago), new cars…all the great things money could buy, right? They were getting divorced. The wife was complaining that the husband was never home, didn’t help with the kids, didn’t pay enough attention to her, didn’t do things around the house, etc. You’ve heard this story, right? Turns out, it was true…but why? Well, his response was, “I have to work these kinds of hours to earn the money to pay for all this stuff!” So, while he earned a nice living and could afford to keep them in style, he couldn’t be home to share and enjoy any of it. In the end, it cost his marriage and his family. Was it worth it? Only they can answer that question, but from my perspective, probably not!

Further along this train of thought, I think about how there are so many in our society caught up in this kind of a mess…working hard to earn money for nice houses, cars, things, and when we earn more money, we aren’t satisfied with what we already have, so we upgrade…and then we have to keep working harder and longer hours to make more money to support all the stuff that we no longer have the time or energy to enjoy!

I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to be on that train! I’m rethinking and redefining what success means to me. Success is a relative thing, though. What works for one person or family may not work for the next person.

Now, I’m not saying making a good living is a bad thing. I want to earn a decent living, to provide for my family, live comfortably, know that I can cover a major car repair or other unexpected event, take a vacation once in a while, and also splurge on frivolous things once in a while. I also want enough money to be able to give it away to people and causes that touch my heart and make me want to be a better person. I want time to be creative outside of work, to spend with my family, to read good books, take long walks, have deep conversations with friends old and new. Yes, I want things money can buy, and so much more that money has no bearing on.

The good news is: You get to decide. You get to define what success means to you and what you’re willing to pay for it. You are the person who needs to be comfortable and satisfied with the decisions you make and the actions you take each day.

In the book The Rhythm of Life, author Matthew Kelly encourages the reader to define what he or she wants from life. In fact, he says being able to answer that question is far more important than anything else he will write in the rest of the book, so put the book down and come back to it after you’ve figured it out…This is on page 12 of the book! I’ve shared this with quite a few people since I read it a few months ago, and I still don’t know if any of them have made it past page 12.

What does success mean to you?

What is it worth to you? What are you willing to give in exchange?

I encourage you to take the time to really think this through. Allow yourself the freedom to define it on your own terms; liberate yourself from the expectations and pressure of the outside world. Be true to yourself and those you love.

As many of us have probably experienced, if we don’t define it, someone will do it for us…and we will wake up one day, look around, and think: “How on earth did I get here? What is all this stuff? I didn’t want this…”

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Hope is not a strategy…make a plan (Part 2)

Earlier this week, I shared a post about making an intentional plan to make your dreams a reality. As this is not a shallow subject, I wanted to revisit it.

Another of my mentors, Scott M. Fay (also faculty on the John Maxwell Team), owns a landscaping business. He says that people often ask, ‘when is the best time to plant a shade tree?’ His answer: 50 years ago! The second best time to plant a shade tree is today!

So, when is the best time to develop a personal growth plan — one that will allow you to achieve your dreams, and maximize your potential — well, probably a number of years ago, like in Junior High or High School, perhaps. Unless you are like Alex P. Keaton from Family Ties, most people aren’t that focused that early. So, the good news is, it’s not too late to map your plan now. In fact, if you don’t already have one, today is the best day to get started.

Getting Started
Again, this is a significant undertaking, and it’s very important; after all, it’s only your LIFE we are talking about! Take the time to think about what you really want from life; think in terms of family, health, fun, education, finance, travel, career…and define what success looks like for you. Then you can begin to map the steps you need to take along the way to reach your goal. Break it down in chunks; make the steps achievable within a reasonable amount of time.

Another critical step is really knowing yourself. Be honest about your strengths and shortcomings. You don’t have to share any of your insights, if you choose not to, but you need to be aware that the people closest to you are probably already very in-tune with them. The key is your own self-awareness. This allows you to know what you will be able to do on your own and what you will need to get support for. Remember, the people in your life — both current and some you haven’t yet met — are part of the resources you may need along your journey.

Be brave! Share your vision and your plans and ask for help. As I said, you’ll be amazed at how doors open for you. I speak from experience here. Several months ago, I wanted to start a Mastermind Group to study John Maxwell’s 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership. I knew a few people who might be interested but not enough to fill a class, and I had no space in which to hold a weekly, 10-week session. I shared my vision with a couple of people. They were interested in participating, and recommended contacting another acquaintance who might have the meeting space. The third person not only offered the meeting space (“I’ll give you a key to the building; use the conference room any time you like…”), but he also filled the rest of the class! And it was a great experience for everyone involved. What an unexpected blessing!

Be open. Be open to new experiences, new lessons, new people.

Be grateful. Be grateful for what you already have, for the people already in your life, and the skills and talents you already possess. Be grateful for the opportunities that will surface, allowing you to learn and grow and experience new things.

Be intentional. Again, if you don’t map your plan, you will go along with the current and will someday find yourself a long way from where you want to be. This is a journey, a process…it will happen daily, not in a day.

Hope is a good thing. But it isn’t a strategy. It won’t drive you to success. You must take action.

Get started. It’s that simple. If you can see the first step, take it. Subsequent steps will become obvious to you as you move along. Again, the resources will become available as you need them.

If you have to, do it afraid! You’ll be glad you did.

What steps are you taking today to map out your plan and begin your journey?

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