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Small Dog Wisdom — Part 2 — The Big Dog Lie

Have you ever spent much time with a small dog? Did you notice the air of self-confidence they exude? To them, external measures are meaningless, as Ed Gungor says in his book One Small Barking Dog. And this, I can say was unequivocally true, at least for one of my two small dogs.

Bean-dip came first. She actually belonged to the neighbors when I bought my first house. They left her alone in the yard, all the time, regardless of the weather, with no suitable shelter. She would find ways to escape the fence and run to my doorstep, where she would sit and whine until I heard her and let her in. And let me tell you, once she was in, she OWNED the place! And after a few “visits” the neighbors decided she didn’t need to come home anymore. She was brash and ferocious and assertive; afraid of nothing. I remember vividly the day she chased a full-sized garbage truck through the neighborhood barking up a storm as she ran…presumably saving the neighborhood from the foul-smelling, giant contraption. She was a Chihuahua-terrier mix, weighing a solid nine pounds on a good day. I don’t have a picture of her with me today, but if you want a visual, think “Taco Bell dog” from the late 1990’s!

Contrast her to Houdini, who I mistook for Bean-dip one rainy evening on my way home from work, silhouetted in the lights from on-coming traffic as he scurried across the road in front of the cars. I thought she had escaped the yard, only to discover this dog was male, an inch or so taller, and thinner than Bean-dip. Same short buff fur, and although according to the vet, he was a Basenji-Terrier mix, they looked like siblings. He was the quiet, gentle small dog, also confident in himself, but more interested in a cozy spot to nap than he was in taking on the world.

One lesson they reminded me of, frequently and in a variety of situations, was that small wasn’t less important or valuable than big, it was just different. But we live in a world that seems to compel us to continuously compare things, and sometimes one thing in that equation will be deemed of lesser value. Often it’s the smaller thing, isn’t it?
Just look at our cars and houses, our drive to accumulate more things, consider the so-called “value meals” in restaurants with ever-increasing portion sizes (of food that’s not necessarily good for us to begin with!)…but tell me, do these things equate to happiness, contentment, satisfaction, joy, and increased self-confidence?

I can speak for only myself, and my answer is “no.” Sure, I enjoy having nice things; I work hard, I buy quality, and I take good care of my things. But I have no misconception about what they are and what they represent. I need to be the right kind of person with a good heart and a giving spirit regardless of how I dress or what stuff I have and no amount of “stuff” is going to make me happy.

When I was working on my Master’s degree, there was a young man in my program. He was from Europe, very nice looking guy and smart. I soon learned he was also missing something significant. He was constantly buying things and when I say things, I don’t mean $10, inconsequential things (although he bought that kind of stuff in excess, as well), but I mean high-end expensive items – electronics, watches, clothing – and the labels and logos were very important to him; he bought whatever was considered the best at the time. One day, he was supposed to stop by to help with a house project. He pulled into the driveway in a brand new Jeep, one of the sportier models, fresh off the lot! He already had two other (not inexpensive) cars, and a motorcycle, if I remember correctly. He was bored, he said. Stopped by the car lot just for fun, and voila! He was now the proud new owner of this Jeep…that he couldn’t afford (his debt was staggering, and his compensation no match for what his monthly payments must have been)…and the next week, he was on a quest for the next thing, that next acquisition he was sure was going to make him happy.

As Ed Gungor says, on page 31 of One Small Barking Dog, “It’s what’s inside that counts most. And there’s another problem (with the big-dog lie): when externals matter too much, it makes you weird.”

Well put, Ed!

What do you think about the power of the small dog? And how does the “big dog lie” play out in your life?

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Small Dog Wisdom — Part 1

My sister sent me a book for my birthday a couple of months ago. It’s called One Small Barking Dog, How to Live a Life That’s Hard to Ignore, by Ed Gungor. I didn’t ask her if she sent it because of the content – fitting right in with my passion and purpose – or if it was because of the small dog (I used to have two small dogs, one of whom believed herself to be bigger than anything and everything around her – both in heaven, now).

I’ve been reading through it over the past week, and there is a lot of wisdom in this little book, so I thought I would share some of the pearls with you over the course of a few blog posts.

The first gem that captured my attention is the idea of daring to be small. In today’s society, it seems the goal is for us to be bigger than life, the best at whatever, forces to be reckoned with, driving dramatic change. Gungor presents the idea that, perhaps, truly our purpose is to do the “small” things…to be the purveyor of small acts of kindness, changing the world one act or one person at a time. In fact, he goes on to explain that all too often, we do or say things that have profound impacts on people of which we may be completely unaware.

It’s heartening to me to think this is the right and good thing, after all. You see, I have told people, on more than one occasion that I knew I was meant to do big things, as I shouldn’t actually be here. Considering the circumstances I grew up in, I shouldn’t have been born (or at least the odds of my having been born healthy and “normal” were not in my favor). Many events in my childhood very easily could have been my last. And I’ve done things in my adult life that weren’t brilliant. Based on all these things, I have concluded someone is watching over me and there must be something very important I am here to do; the lesson is that maybe it’s not something big, maybe I’m destined to do small things!

Beginning on page 59, Gungor presents evidence on the improbability of our actually being conceived and born in the first place (255,500,000,000 billion to one – worse odds than the lottery!), not to mention all the odds our ancestors faced—generation after generation—which culminated in any of us being born (this logic is also spelled out in Bill Bryson’s A Short History of Nearly Everything). So, with this kind of logic in mind, it seems clear to me that each of us has a purpose – some important thing we are here to do…and yet, that important thing (or more likely things – plural) may be something small, seemingly unnoticeable by many, but which makes an enormous difference in someone else’s life.

It is heartening to think it’s the right and true thing that each day I have the opportunity to make a difference for someone else. It’s likely my efforts will never earn a front page story or make the Headline News on TV…but to know that in the lives of the people I encounter each day – regardless of my relationship to them – I have the opportunity to be a positive force.

And I’m oh so thankful for the people who have made huge differences in my life over the years, through what may have appeared to be small gestures of kindness or thoughtfulness. The ones who loved and supported me no matter how hugely I blundered. The ones who believed in me when I was unsure of myself. The ones who encouraged me to reach higher and farther than I at first thought I could. The ones who shared their time, attention, and yes, sometimes even money when I needed it. The ones who showed up with some resource I needed, right when I needed it. The ones who connected me with the others I’ve needed to know. The ones who, kindly, redirected me when I was clearly off-track. The ones who have left chocolates on my desk, just because, and made the effort to learn my preference (dark over milk!). The ones who trust me enough to allow me to coach them through the significant changes they are making in their lives.

With this reinforcement, and the knowledge it’s just the right thing to do, I will continue to do those things I believe will add value to others (so if you see me at a drive-thru window – pull in behind me – chances are very good I will pay for your order!) In closing, I encourage you to continue to do those “small” things to help, encourage, and support others. We really have no way of knowing how big the impact just might be.

One last thought…how different do you think the world would be if we took the time to acknowledge those “small” things others have done for us that made a difference?

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Want or need?

My 20-year old niece posted this on her Facebook page Friday night:

You’re everything I want, but nothing that I need.

Pretty profound stuff for such a young woman. There’s nothing else in her post, so I have no idea if it came from a song, something she’s reading, something she heard from someone else, or just from her heart, but it got me thinking about what a vast difference there is between the two.

It’s easy enough to jot down a list of all the things I want…a new bed, vacation in Italy, a library in my house with floor-to-ceiling bookshelves filled with books and cozy chairs to snuggle into and read for hours, a cruise through the Inside Passage in Alaska, to see Chris Isaak in concert, again…and if I really want these things badly enough, they are all within my reach if I plan, prioritize, and save. But the point is, they are “wants,” truly not needs.

What I need is significantly different. I need nourishing food; adequate rest; regular exercise; to be surrounded by people who love, support, and nurture me; deep conversations with close friends; opportunities to learn and grow. Really pretty basic stuff, and yet so important.

Sure, it might be nice to have a closet full of new clothes and shoes, maybe a different car, a budget that would allow me to eat in restaurants every night of the week if I wanted or to go on vacation anywhere, anytime. But these things are just things; in the long run, they have no true and lasting value. They will not significantly add to the true quality of my life. They won’t make me a better or happier person. They won’t ensure my relationships are strong and healthy. They won’t make me different. They won’t make me better able to add value to others. They are, in fact, just more “stuff” to clutter up my life with. And for the past six months, or so, I have been actively working at cleaning out my drawers, closets, bookshelves, filing cabinets, and those never-ending boxes in the basement with a focus on getting rid of all this “stuff” that is cluttering up my home, my mind, and interfering with better energy and focus in my life.

The other consideration is that often we find ourselves wanting things we know are not healthy for us. For example, I love Peanut Butter and Chocolate ice cream from Baskin Robbins. But, I know for a fact that eating it daily is not a good idea! I’ve been in relationships with people I very much wanted in my life, but knew they were not healthy for me to be around.

As the girl said — everything I want and nothing I need.

I’m working on maintaining my focus on the needs, and can honestly tell you, I am feeling more balanced, healthier, more settled. Happy in my own skin, as the saying goes, and it’s a glorious thing.

What are the things you want, but know you don’t need?

What are the things in your life that are preventing you from becoming the very best version of you possible?

Is it time to give some serious consideration to this equation in your life, and maybe make some changes?

Let me know how I can help.

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