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Is it worth it?

Is. It. Worth. It.

Four (well, ok, three with one repeat) small words that are so, so powerful. This short question applies to nearly any decision, transition, or turning point you will encounter in your life. And depending on the decision you make, you have the power to change not only your life but the lives of others around you — for better or worse.

A number of years ago, a friend shared with me a weight loss hypnosis program. The foundation is to be aware of what you are doing each time you take a bite or drink of something, and to make a conscious decision rather than mindlessly eating and drinking whatever is put in front of you.

I ask myself this question when I am tempted to indulge in dessert. For me, if I am going to consume something, it needs to taste as delicious as I expect it to, so that I can deem it worth the calories I am consuming. If not, the answer is clearly no, it’s not worth it; at least not for me.

Last week, I finished reading What Got You Here Won’t Get You There, by Marshall Goldsmith, a very successful executive coach. There’s a section in the book in which he discusses encouraging his coaching clients to consider whether what they are about to say is worth it. It’s not only executives who could benefit from asking this simple question. The idea is to be aware of the potential impact and consequences of what you are about to say, including the way you would say it, on whomever you are speaking to.

I can think of a number of situations in which this question could prevent a lot of pain. Like when you’ve allowed someone to push your buttons and you are about to respond with a mean, hurtful remark. Like when you are in pain and want someone else to feel it, too. Like when you are already aware of what someone has decided to share with you, and you are tempted to say so — potentially giving the impression of superiority, or diminishing the value of the messenger and what they have to offer. Like when you are upset about something entirely disconnected to the person you’re with and are tempted to take it out on them.

Consider the value of this question when posed with a situation — perhaps an opportunity — that may be questionable. Meaning, it might seem like a good idea unless whatever it is were to become known publicly. In this case, it speaks to integrity (see earlier blog on “who are you when no one is looking”!). Are the risks and consequences worth whatever it is you think you will gain from doing whatever it is you are about to do?

What about when you are offered an opportunity that isn’t exactly on the path you’ve set for yourself? If the “detour” is a brief one, but offers the chance to learn a new skill, gain some new experience, or otherwise provide you with some benefit, and you can smoothly resume your journey, the answer may be yes; it may be worth it. If the “detour” will pull you in a very different direction than the path you’ve set for yourself, and you risk waking up one day in the future wondering “how in the world did I end up here? This isn’t what I wanted…” Well, in this case, it may not be worth it.

It applies when making financial decisions, as well. Do you purchase something simply because it carries a specific logo? Is your purchase decision based on quality? Is it based on the value you perceive the item to have, or based on the value others will perceive it to have?

I won’t pretend to imagine I know every single situation you may encounter when asking yourself this simple, yet oh-so-powerful question might save you — and those around you — some unnecessary pain, anxiety, discomfort, set-back on the way to your goals, but I do know there are numerous possibilities…daily.

The key is to be aware, to consider the potential risks, benefits, and consequences, and make a conscious decision about what to say or do next.

How could you benefit by taking the time to ask and answer this simple question:

Is it worth it?

I’ll leave the consideration to you. In the meantime, I encourage you to have an intentional day!

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Are we communicating right now?

While I might like to think so, the answer is “no.” As I work on this blog, I sit at a computer and type out my thoughts, essentially putting words in a row. Then I post them into my blog and hit the “Publish” button. My words fly out into cyberspace and while I hope they have some meaning for whomever reads them—that they will spark some new thoughts for you or allow you to realize some new insight into something you’ve been pondering—I may never know.

Communication is very simple. It requires at least two people and some form of feedback. One sends a message. The second receives and interprets the message and responds in some way (and yes, “no response” may be the response!). This response is the feedback that allows the sender to determine whether the message was received and interpreted as intended. The process can stop or move forward in a lot of different ways from this point.

I am writing this particular blog because I’ve been thinking a lot about how social media is changing how we communicate, and I’m not convinced it’s necessarily in a good way. This probably sounds counter-intuitive for someone who blogs and hopes to attract a faithful following of readers, but here’s how my thought process has gone:

I published my first post on this site on 14 August 2012. Since then, I’ve had people from Canada, Australia, France, Russia, Nigeria, South Africa, United Kingdom, Venezuela, Singapore, Micronesia, Belgium, Philippines, Sri Lanka, Uganda, Trinidad and Tobago, and the US, who presumably have viewed various pages of my web site, based on the site stats. So, I could infer that all of those people have read my blogs, but I don’t really know for sure — they may have simply clicked in and clicked back out — unless they leave a comment or contact me directly; this is the feedback that completes the communication loop.

When I publish a new post, it is broadcast on Facebook, Twitter, and LinkedIn. I admit, these notifications are my only tweets (well, 99.9999% of the time!). Last week, I received a couple of emails stating I had new followers on Twitter. That’s a good thing, right? But I looked more closely at the notifications and these two folks – now following me – are also following 49,284 and 14,918 other tweeters, respectively.

In thinking about a person’s capacity for truly following and taking in new information, and the concept of quality versus quantity, I’m in a quandary over these new followers. I should be pleased; I’m told the goal is to have large numbers of followers. But I have to ask: If someone is “following” 49,248 people, what’s the quality of what they are receiving? What is my actual potential for impact within that enormous cloud of messages flying around?

And what about Facebook? I took the plunge and created a profile and page for my business, and for business I do find it useful. I scroll through the News Feed page and see everyone’s updates and comments, and while it’s nice to “see” what folks are up to, it also leaves me with a sense of longing for what’s not there – true connection with the people in my life.

Updates often appear to be spur-of-the-moment snippets of lives as people are living them or just passing along something someone saw, with no personal comment or update attached. For example, a friend of mine lives in another state. At one time we were very close, but the demands of life and the nearly 3,000 miles that separate us have left us somewhat disconnected. She occasionally posts updates, but they are “shared” information – pictures and whatnot, nothing personal.

It leaves me feeling sad that we have the time to share photos and sayings and post brief snippets, but claim to just be “so busy” that we haven’t had time to really connect with the important people in our lives. I wonder if this is my solitary experience and perception, or if others feel it, too.

It was said that technology would make our lives easier and we wouldn’t have to work as much or as hard; that doesn’t appear to be the case. I see people working longer hours on more projects…not less. I think social media may be having the same effect – we have the illusion of being more connected and there certainly are more messages flying around, but are we really communicating?

I can speak for only myself, and here’s my final thoughts on this topic tonight: Social media offers some useful tools, but for me these tools do not replace true communication, real connection with people. I don’t know about you, but I long for deep connection and meaningful conversations with the people in my life. I much prefer the face-to-face interaction, and consider a phone a reasonable second choice.

What do you think? Please, leave a comment, provide some feedback, and help me turn this blog into actual communication!

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Gratitude

It’s only fitting, on Thanksgiving Day, to write about gratitude.

Thankfulness

On this day, I want to share with you the things I am thankful for:

Having found my passion. The opportunity to live out my passion. The opportunity to do good work and add value to others.

The many gifts and talents bestowed upon me. The “divine appointments” with people who come into my life…it’s always for a reason!

Health. Books. Education. Learning. Growth.

Nice place to live. Reliable car.

People who love me, support me, nurture me, believe in me — both family and friends.

The people who have asked me to accompany them on their journeys (coaching clients).

The people who have invited me to share some of the lessons I’ve learned on communication, leadership, teamwork, influence, relationships, and growth (speaking engagements and workshop clients).

The people who have allowed me to facilitate learning opportunities through Mastermind Groups.

The people who have shared their stories and lessons learned with me, giving me the opportunity to learn from their experiences.

The opportunity to spend this holiday at an indoor water park with my husband and son (who will turn 6 next week) and watching the joy on my son’s face as he played on the slides, in the pools, under the various showers, and float along the “lazy river” in a double tube (he ought to sleep good tonight!). The opportunity to glide through the various enclosed tubes and slides, fast and free, totally exhilarated!

A delicious breakfast this morning — served by people working what would normally be their day-off. A yummy turkey dinner this afternoon.

As I was thinking about what I would write, I Googled “gratitude.” In addition to the usual links (dictionaries, Wikipedia, etc…), I came upon the Go Gratitude Project. I am fascinated by the premise; it makes me think of an earlier awakening I had when I invited all of you to start a movement with me — by asking people what they would want if they could ask for a small miracle — then, of course, doing whatever you could to create the miracle for them.

I have signed up for the Go Gratitude Project’s 42 days of gratitude messages (am assuming the first one will appear in my inbox tomorrow…we’ll see!). There is a link for something called the Master Key Movie which I intend to watch very soon (Charlie Brown’s Thanksgiving Special is on, so I admit to being a little distracted!).

In the meantime, I offer this abridged list of the things I am thankful for on this glorious day.

What are you thankful for? Have you shared your gratitude with those who count?

It’s a powerful act — expressing gratitude.

Finally, I am thankful for you … the people who read what I write, share your thoughts and comments, and pass along my thoughts to others. I may not know you, but I am truly thankful for you.

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