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Intentional Leadership — D2, W1, M2 — Relationships

It’s self-assessment time! Before we get too far into thinking about and discussing relationships, let’s see how we do on some key foundational elements of relationship-building.

Assess yourself on each of these elements:

Honesty: When you speak with others, how open are you? Do you share information about yourself that might reflect poorly on you? Are you comfortable acknowledging that you don’t know something, or do you bluff your way through as if you are knowledgeable?

WEAK  1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10  STRONG

Reliability: Can others count on you to follow through on your commitments?

WEAK  1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10  STRONG

Relating: When you are with others, do you listen attentively, seeking to understand others first? Or are you focused on being understood?

WEAK  1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10  STRONG

Empathy: Do you demonstrate your concern for others by doing what you can when someone needs help? Recognize that support may take many forms: standing up for someone, listening, taking action on another’s behalf, or just doing some small act of kindness.

WEAK  1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10  STRONG

Time: Are you consistent about investing time and energy into your most important relationships? Are you contributing to the health of your relationships, or are you taking, not giving? As John Maxwell says, in every relationship you can be a + or a – … which are you?

WEAK  1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10  STRONG

After rating yourself, spend a little time to summarize your thoughts on this exercise. Are you a plus (+) or a minus (-)? What did you learn that you can use to improve your approach to relationships?

This area of leadership is like all the others in that to do well here, one must have a certain level of self-awareness and operate in an intentional manner. As with the exercises that came before now, it’s important that you are really honest with yourself. If you are shallow in this area, it will be readily apparent.

“See” you on Wednesday!

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Intentional Leadership — M2, W1, Day 1 — Relationships

Welcome to month 2 of our Intentional Leadership journey, focused on relationships.

As we start this first week, it makes sense to consider, first, our relationship with ourselves.

If you’ve done much reading about Abraham Lincoln, you will be well aware that he took quite the journey learning to be a leader. He encountered many challenges along his path, often experiencing events that may have driven some to give up, but he was persistent and knew he had important work to do. Over the course of his journey, he came to know his strengths and weaknesses quite well. This self-awareness allowed him to form relationships with rivals as he steered the country through some of its toughest times.

When we look at many leaders — within organizations, local and state governments, and even those responsible for entire countries — quite often you will notice they have built their inner circles with loyal supporter and long-time colleagues. Not Lincoln; he built his cabinet with bitter rivals, knowing full well they would not see eye-to-eye on many matters that would determine what kind of country the US would be, following the Civil War. He realized, though, that each of those men had invaluable knowledge, wisdom, and experience, and he needed the best to help move the country through such a precarious time.

It takes a strong, confident leader to do that. He knew his ideas and decisions would be challenged, and he understood it would be in the country’s best interest to open himself up to that level of scrutiny. He knew the others had value to add, and would help him to make sound, well-considered decisions about our country’s future.

As you come to truly know yourself — values, beliefs, strengths, weaknesses, passions, dreams — you will come to more easily recognize those characteristics and qualities in others, and to appreciate them, as well. You will be able to recognize the value of working together.

Eleven years ago, I went through a life-changing leadership development program. One of the things I learned is: No one of us is as smart as all of us.

No one of us is as smart as all of us.

Before we dive into relationships with others, let’s take a close look at ourselves today. Take an inventory of your strengths and weaknesses with respect to building and maintaining relationships.

Which skills do you believe to be your strengths?

Which skills would you be well-served to work on?

You can do what I cannot do. I can do what you cannot do. Together, we can do great things.  — Mother Teresa

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Intentional Leadership – Month Two – Relationships

On Monday, we will begin month two of our intentional leadership journey. As has become the pattern, I will share thoughts and exercises with you Monday – Friday each week. The premise for month two is this: Relationships are the best indicators of a successful and satisfied life.

If you’ve been through some “personality” assessments, you may have been categorized as a “task-focused” person rather than a “relationship-focused” person. Earlier in my life, I was more task-focused. I believe it’s the result of having grown up in an unstable household, the circumstances of which lead me to believe that I could count on only myself, and it was much safer to not need people or allow them to get close; after all, they would only disappoint or hurt me.

Those beliefs and behaviors served me well for some time. I learned to be very responsible, independent, self-sufficient, able to learn nearly any skill I needed to get through life’s basic needs and challenges. But there came a time when those beliefs and behaviors became more of a detriment to me. My ability to expand my influence and ability to get work done was severely limited. I had alienated a lot of people.

Over time, and a lot of painful experiences, I learned that not only would I be able to accomplish more and do whatever it was better, but also my life would be much richer if I could develop healthy relationships with people. It was hard. It required me to let my guard down and admit that I couldn’t do it all myself, and it was ok to need people.

I won’t say it’s been a bed of roses ever since. I’ve made bad decisions about trusting some, and not trusting others. I’ve been hurt, more than once. But I’ve also come to really value the relationships I have developed and have a true understanding of the saying: No one of us is as smart as all of us. I truly am more productive, effective, and able to accomplish so much more by connecting with others and spreading the load. And it’s ever so much more satisfying.

I learned that I cannot lead if I am the only one…as they say, if you are by yourself, you are not leading, merely taking a walk!

I believe in the power of true connection which leads to synergy which results in something so much greater than the sum of its parts. However, I also know that this doesn’t just happen. Often, especially in business, you will find groups of people who toil under the illusion they are a team and are all working on the same thing. When you get into the thick of whom they are and what they are doing, however, you discover they are just a group of people who think they are a team…and the results they achieve are either equal to or less than what the individuals would accomplish alone.

True teams do not happen by accident. They take time, intention, and focus to build. But when they really come together, the outcomes can be amazing – significantly more than the sum of their parts.

As we prepare to start Week One of Month Two, take a few minutes to think about these things:

How are your strengths and weaknesses reflected in your relationships?

How have relationships throughout your life helped you to grow into a leader?

When have you put aside relational differences to pursue a shared goal?

What sacrifices have you made for the sake of a relationship?

I look forward to this next part of our journey. Please share your thoughts along the way.

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