Are you your own worst critic? Many times in my life I have been told that my expectations for myself are extremely high, and that is true. I’m sure I could tell you all kinds of reasons why that is, but in terms of Strengths, I attribute it to having Maximizer as a dominant theme. Folks with high Maximizer have high expectations and work hard to make something strong into something superb.
Yet the truth is being my own worst critic often hurts my progress. I spend lots of time worrying about doing things “right” and lose the potential of the moment. Can you relate?
Today, I spent time with a team of fairly young leaders from a company I’ve been blessed to work with for the last several months. It was our first workshop together and it was a FULL day. As the day came to an end, and I packed up all my materials, I felt the all-too-familiar “let down” that I often experience after teaching a workshop. I suspect part of it is the actual physical disconnect that comes when one has been fully engaged, mentally (and for me empathetically), with a group of bright, interested, interesting individuals for an extended period.
I suspect the other part is the process of my internal self-assessment otherwise known as my own worst critic. She shows up every time I have a great desire to serve clients and an underlying worry that I may not have done enough. Or completed my work as well as I could have.
You see, I can always think of one or two things I could have done more effectively that would have allowed me to connect at a deeper level, served more effectively, facilitated more insights, or offered new perspectives. When my own worst critic shows up, she forgets all the good I have done and can obliterate all the good I have accomplished in the day and leave me feeling useless, down and worried.
Do you experience your own worst critic in the same way?
Now you should know that I am fully aware that my opportunity here is to make note of these insights so I can implement them in the next workshop. What I strive for is to be able to have those insights earlier, to be able to adapt as I go through the actual workshop and improve in the moment. But, learning from my experiences allows me to adjust the next time. My inner critic serves me in many good ways because she allows me to see my higher goals for the work I do and my life in general.
So in these moments of doubt and worry, I employ two strategies to manage my inner voice so I don’t give too much credit to negativity. As you do your work, you will learn that what you give time and attention to really does matter.
If your inner critic, your own worst self, is hijacking your success I offer you these two reminders to help set you on a healthier path:
One, remember that you can’t see the picture when you’re in the frame. What that translates to is that you don’t always see yourself as others do. Your version of yourself in your head is a filtered version. He or she is edited by your own emotional awareness and insecurities.
If you find yourself feeling worried, sad, unsure or otherwise anxious that your performance wasn’t up to par, find a trusted person and ask for feedback. Allow their words to wash over you and hear what they are really saying. If your own worst critic shows up in that moment, ask him or her to politely take a seat and give your brain some space to HEAR the words being shared. Then, write it down so you can remember and revisit the feedback at later times.
Two, find a way to be thankful for the experience that’s showing up. Your inner critic serves you in times of stress and when you need to perform. What’s harmful is when the critic in your head is misleading or unrealistic in what’s possible or required for success.
Answer this statement: “Today was great because ___________, and would have been even better if _____________”.
Make a list of what could have made the day better so you have a concrete example of how your inner critic intends to support your growth.
Then ask yourself honestly: Is this feedback possible? Is it helpful? Is it kind? Does it serve your higher good and finally, if you implement it, will it lead you to the place you want to go in your life?
If the answers are yes, then you have a blueprint for how to honestly improve your next event.
When you are dealing with your own worst critic, the greatest thing you can do is learn to understand how he or she is working to help you achieve your goals. When an inner critic is out of control and unnecessarily critical or unkind, healing and health are not possible. But, by learning how to nurture the message you receive from your inner critic, the experiences can serve you well and lead you to stronger performance and greater achievements.
If you’re struggling to manage your own inner critic or having a hard time really seeing your value or worth, I can help you. Reach out for a free consultation to see how working together can improve the quality of your life AND your work.
