To follow the Golden Rule or the Platinum Rule?
We’re all familiar with the Golden Rule, right? You know the one: “Do unto others as you would have done unto you.”
Simply put: Treat others the way you want to be treated.
Sounds good, doesn’t it? But how does it really work in practice?
Let’s consider a couple I once knew, Matthew and Katie. Katie is a stay-at-home-mom, who happens to be an extrovert. Katie spends a lot of time with small children during the day, with little substantive interactions with adults – which is how she recharges her batteries. Matthew works outside the home and happens to be in introvert; he enjoys being with people throughout the day but it drains his battery, so he needs time alone to recharge.
When they are apart – during the work day or on the rare occasion when one of them gets away for some “alone” time – they follow the Golden Rule; each treating the other the way they want to be treated. Katie, looking to charge her batteries, calls Matthew frequently, just to check in and chat. Matthew, on the other hand, is less likely to call Katie when she has some alone time as he knows how much he values it when he has alone time. Both end up frustrated because they are getting what the other wants/needs, but not what they desire for themselves.
So, what would change if they followed the Platinum Rule? It says: “Do unto others as they would have done unto themselves.”
Do unto others as they would have done unto themselves.
Simply put: Treat others the way they would prefer to be treated – not the way you want to be treated.
The wise soul who coined this phrase recognized that “one size does not fit all”!
If Matthew and Katie were to practice the Platinum Rule, then Matthew would make a point to call and check in with Katie more often, knowing she needs more contact and wants to talk about what’s going on throughout the day, or what she’s up to when she gets to go out without the kids. Katie would recognize that Matthew needs more quiet time to himself, and wouldn’t call to check in as often or interrupt his alone time just to see what he’s up to while they are apart.
This change in behavior would require some thoughtful attention, because it would require each of them to step out of their comfort zone and focus on the needs of the other first, rather than to assume what they want is what the other wants, as well.
Take it one step further and consider how it might work at work or in organizations you are involved in. Take recognition for example. Some people crave public recognition for their accomplishments, others cringe at the thought and would prefer to do anything but be recognized publicly. If you aren’t aware of these preferences, you could make a stellar mistake and damage key relationships by making the wrong move.
How would this awareness and change in behavior change the organizational dynamics and morale of your teams and companies? What if we could step outside ourselves more often and focus on what others need?
It’s true: If you help others get what they want, they will be more willing and interested in helping you get what you want. It’s a key foundation for effective leadership.
What could you learn by practicing the Platinum Rule?
What relational dynamics could you change?
How much more satisfying could your work and personal lives be, if you practiced the Platinum Rule?
I wonder…would love to hear your thoughts.
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Laura L. Prisc, Founder
