Change your thinking, change your life

I recently awoke from an odd dream, that got me thinking about how we think and its impact on our lives.

In the dream, I was walking through a train station, filled with people, as you would imagine. There was a young woman (in her 20’s I would guess) asking people for money. She asked a woman who was walking near me for money. The second woman said she didn’t have any cash. The first woman said “That’s ok, your bank is right here. Let’s go in and you can get some.”

Looking a bit bewildered, the second woman was ushered into the bank and I followed (curious to see what would happen next). The woman approached the teller and said she needed some cash from one of her accounts. The first woman, overhearing this — ‘one of her accounts’ — demanded the teller write down the balances in all of the woman’s accounts…presumably so she could determine how much money she could extract from her confused “benefactor.” The teller wrote the amounts out on a chalkboard (yes, things are sometimes strange in dreams!) and the account holder stood there silently, while the first woman decided how much money she should be given. She came up with some number, and the teller began to do what he needed to do, while the second woman looked on.

This was when I felt the need to step in and object. It was a ridiculous scenario to be sure…and it was certainly none of my business what some other person chose to do with their own money.

My objection sprang from the fact that simply giving this young woman money would not solve her problems. When you have a dysfunctional relationship with money, having more of it will not solve anything; you will simply blow through it as you usually do. It’s only when you are able to change your thinking about what money really is — a tool — and how you use it that you are able to make changes in your circumstances.

I felt compelled to explain this to the first young woman, although it would probably have fallen on deaf ears. Here is just one story of a person who came into a cash windfall, and it didn’t miraculously “fix” her life…in fact, it led to a lot of other issues and challenges, and wouldn’t you know, she is no longer a millionaire!

Here’s the bottom line. If you have the yearning to become a millionaire, great! But simply acquiring the money will not make you different. If you focus on the journey and invest in the process, the more important outcome is who you become on the way to earning the money.

It’s the same principle with anything else you desire to achieve, have, do, or be…the wisest people understand it’s not about actually accomplishing the goal, it’s about who you become on your way there. If you truly want to change your life…you must change your thinking. More specifically, you must actually ENGAGE in THINKING, not simply resorting to habitual ways of thinking or allowing others to think for you.

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Connect like a Rock Star!

I was thrilled and blessed to see Chris Isaak in concert last night at The Kent Stage, in Kent, Ohio, and have to say it was truly a highlight of my year. Not only does Chris, and his band Silvertone, put on one heck of an entertaining show, but they also demonstrate what it truly means to connect with others.

These guys travel a lot, and yet, they make a point of truly connecting with their audience whether they are in the BIG city (i.e. New York, Paris, San Francisco) or in a small town in the mid-west (i.e. Kent, Ohio!). Here are a few lessons in connecting that I was reminded of last night:

Connectors show appreciation for others. At the end of the opening song, Chris said, “Thank you for coming out tonight and supporting live music.” This resonated with me for a couple of reasons: 1) It was a snowy day, and the roads to Kent were not in fabulous condition. Having driven 3 hours to get there, we passed no fewer than 6 vehicles off the road (some in the ditch, some in the median, one Durango that looked as if it had rolled across several lanes, spilling its owner’s things thru the median and across the highway). Kent is a bit out of the way; it’s not far from Akron or Cleveland, but a bit off the beaten path. 2) We have so much access to music of all kinds at all hours of the day, fairly inexpensively. Attending a live concert these days is a bit of an investment — tickets, travel, maybe dinner out and a hotel for longer-distance travelers.

In addition, while the tour is titled “Chris Isaak,” it’s not all about Chris. He showcases each member of the band separately during different parts of the show, allowing each to shine with his instruments of choice. He also highlights, and pays tribute to those performers who inspired and mentored him…from Johnny Cash and Roy Orbison to Carl Perkins and Elvis.

Connectors create entertaining experiences for others. Chris and Silvertone put on a SHOW! For them, it’s not all about flash and special effects, unless you count the sequins or mirrored panels on the suits Chris wears when he’s entertaining! The Kent Stage has about 620 seats, old movie theater style, so there wasn’t a bad seat in the house, and the band took full advantage of being able to interact with the audience. Chris and his guitarist, Hershel, were both out performing in the audience during a couple of different songs. They tell stories, they make fun of themselves, they do some fun moves together (imagine the stage shows of bands in the 50’s and 60’s), they even had one of those ridiculous dancing Santa’s on-stage — you know the ones, they move when they are activated by sounds around them. They encouraged us to get up and dance and they performed for a full two hours.

Connectors respond to the needs of others. As  I mentioned, they were out among the audience performing. They invited a few audience members on stage to dance with the bass player. They did a couple of songs based on requests yelled out by members of the audience. If you’ve been to a concert, you know they have a “stage set” or planned play-list that they work their way through. Yes, they had a stage set, and I’m sure they stuck to most of it, but they also improvised in response to the audience.

Finally, there is something so powerful about watching people perform in their passion zone. These guys have been playing together for 25-30 years, and it shows. They were having a lot of fun, and so were we. It was one of those experiences during which I was truly “in the moment” the whole time. If these guys are coming to a venue near you, I highly recommend seeing them, you won’t regret it!

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Leadership in Latte’s?

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I used to be a daily coffee drinker. It always smelled delicious, but one day I actually started paying attention to how it tasted…and my conclusion was that it didn’t really taste like anything! I don’t think it was a quality issue; I started with whole coffee beans, freshly ground, fresh water…mixed with a little ½ and ½ in the cup.

Yes, drinking it had become a habit; something I did on auto-pilot without thinking about it. So, I asked myself why I was drinking coffee every day. The answer: That it had become a habit, was not good enough. A few days later, when I’d used up all the coffee beans I had, I cleaned out the coffee maker and stored it away in the cupboard.

Having consumed coffee nearly daily since high school, it was surprisingly easy to quit my daily habit! But I confess, I haven’t given it up completely.

I treat myself to a caramel latte once every couple of weeks. Last week, my latte treat got me thinking about leadership. Here’s what happened.

I went to my favorite coffee shop in between meetings. As I approached the counter, I noticed the young man stepping up to serve me had a hand-written name badge; translation – new employee, still in training. I placed my order, he repeated it back to me. We concluded the transaction, and he stepped over to the machine to make my drink.

I waited, anticipating how delicious it was going to be. You know how that works, when you’ve been craving something for a while, and you imagine the flavors floating through your mouth and you can’t wait for it to actually happen?

He handed it to me across the counter, I left the shop, got back in my car and started on to my next meeting; because the coffee was hot, I waited about 10 minutes before taking a sip. It was a big disappointment! No caramel flavor! I was too far down the road to go back. But, I did spend the rest of my drive thinking about how this experience relates to leadership and three lessons come to mind: Situational Leadership, Intent does NOT Equal Impact, and Trust but verify!.

Are you familiar with the Situational Leadership model, developed by Hersey and Blanchard? There are four stages of development for any task, with a leadership style to accompany each stage. Simply put:

In Development Level 1 (D1), a person is often motivated to learn to do the task, so the leader needs to give explicit directions (step-by-step) but not a lot of encouragement or support.

In D2, the person has tried to do the task a time or two, realizes it’s going to be harder than it looks, and is quickly de-motivated and often frustrated. At this stage, the leader still needs to give explicit, step-by-step instructions and a lot of support and encouragement.

After a little practice, the person moves into D3, when he/she generally has the process down, but needs more encouragement and support at the progress made going through it.

Eventually, the person reaches D4, and has become a master at the task; at this stage, the leader doesn’t need to give direction, nor a lot of support or encouragement. Again, this is very simplified and is task-based.

While I thought the trainers at my favorite coffee shop would have gone through this process with new employees –testing the results along the way to ensure expected taste, quality, and presentation of the various items they serve – I now know they didn’t (at least with respect to the caramel latte!).

I’m certain it was not his intent to serve me a disappointing latte (intent does not equal impact), so I have a choice to make – consider myself a victim (didn’t get the treat I was anticipating) or a victor (recognize my role in the experience and adapt my behavior). Knowing the young man was new at his job, I should have tasted my coffee before I left, knowing that if I waited until I was a way down the road, it would be too late to correct the situation (add caramel to my coffee).

My lesson, trust but verify!

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