What lessons are you teaching?

I was in Orlando, Florida, last week for a John Maxwell Training. When I flew home on Saturday, I observed a situation in the airport that really disturbed me.

There was a very upset woman, probably around 40, with two young boys, maybe 4 and 6 years old. She was speaking very loudly to an airline employee, who was notably cool, calm, and collected. Of course, I can only speculate on what was going on, but based on the few things I heard and my observation of their interaction, it appeared she had missed her flight.

She was very loud and adamantly declaring that it wasn’t her fault, something about being told that she needed to be there 20 minutes ahead…The airline employee said something to her, too quiet to hear (I was ~10 feet away, standing in line to check my bag). She got even louder, telling him she didn’t need him to argue with her and make her feel like a seven-year-old, that she needed him to help him. She had tears running down her face, and was quite visibly agitated.

All the while, these two little boys standing there watching the whole thing…looking a little lost and frightened. As the mom walked a few feet away, the older boy went and wrapped himself around her waist, hugging and comforting her, telling her it would be all right. The younger boy joined them, but stood off to the side watching.

I had two very loud thoughts in my mind as I watched this scene play itself out. First, she had absolutely no concept of the lesson she was teaching her boys about how one deals with stress, the unexpected, and the people who are trying to help you. Second, was that she has an incredibly strong belief that she behaves like a seven-year-old, projecting that onto the airline employee who was trying to help her. Suddenly, I saw not a grown woman standing there, but a frightened, frustrated little girl, facing a situation she was not equipped to deal with.

My heart went out to her and her boys.

I hope they made their way home safely.

What lessons are you teaching?

I encourage you to be thoughtful and intentional about them…

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Intentional Leadership — D1, W3, M2– Relationships

Week three’s focus is: We before me.

There are lots of stories we could discuss to really focus on teamwork and how critical it is to success. One story you might be familiar with is Remember the Titans, based on a true story.

It’s about a High School football team in the ’70’s, where the white football coach was forced to resign due to a controversial mandate from the school board; he was replaced by a black football coach. This decision created significant tension and polarized the community. The new coach was pressured to resign, but rather than capitulating to the pressure, he reached out to the one person who could help him salvage the Titan’s season — the former coach.

Together, the two men formed a relationship based on respect, and they worked together to break down the racial issues within the team. They took the team off-site for pre-season camp, and assigned each player to room with a teammate from the other race, setting the expectation each would learn three personal facts from his roommate.

The intent was clear — there would be no segregation within the team; each player must commit to each other and the success of the team. Of course, it wasn’t an immediate or smooth transition. There were rough moments, but over time the players developed friendships and the coaches were able to create a culture of unity. As the relationships strengthened, the team overcame all obstacles and won the State Championship.

I’ve been able to work with a number of teams, and I always begin with relationship building. A group of people will not just become a team, simply because they are tasked with working together. Real teams come together due to intentional team building. First, the members must get to know each other, beyond a superficial level. This allows members to identify common ground, which opens the door to the development of trust. This is the foundation of all healthy relationships.

As with the Titans, and the teams with whom I’ve worked, each of us has the opportunity to commit to contribute to something bigger than themselves. When you have the opportunity to work with others, do you put aside your personal agenda for the greater good?

Of course, you don’t have to focus on the team agenda. It’s a choice, to be sure. What I can tell you, based on my experience, is that a high-performing team is able to achieve things significantly more substantive than any of the individuals alone. What I can tell you, based on my experience, is “no one of us is as smart as all of us.”

Take some time today to think about the most difficult working relationship or team dynamic you have experienced. What made it hard? How did you handle the relationships? What did you learn? How will you approach similar situations differently in the future?

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Intentional Leadership — D5, W2, M2 — Relationships

Another Friday; has this been the fastest passing week for you, too?

Wow! There are not a lot of experiences like the one I’m having this week. I have been with ~600 like-minded people, soaking up the teaching of John C. Maxwell, as well as the expertise and wisdom of my other mentors: Paul Martinelli, Christian Simpson, Roddy Galbraith, Ed DeCosta, and Melissa Malueg. It has been educational, invigorating, exciting, emotional…unbelievable!

But I digress! It’s time to prepare for the weekend. Have you actually been doing this? What difference is it making for you?

What do you need to take care of, think about, prepare for this weekend? Here are some things to consider:

In keeping with our focus this month, what relationships do you need to focus on and nurture this weekend?

Is it possible there are relationships you need to end?

What about your relationship with yourself — what do you need to do to focus on and nurture yourself this weekend?

What will that mean in terms of time, energy, preparation, activity?

How much rest do you need this weekend?

I need a bunch, again. And, again, it’s highly unlikely I will get enough. It’s been an intense week with early starts and late ends to the learning/training program I’ve been in all week, and today is the last day. One might imagine that the Friday schedule would be lighter, yet it is, in fact, long and full…12 hours tomorrow, to be exact! Then I need to pack and prepare to fly home on Saturday…for a delightful reunion with my family!

How much – and what kind of – activity do you need?

What loose ends do you need to tie up from this week?

What do you need to do to prepare yourself for a great start to next week, preparing for Monday?

Finally, what thought are you giving to things you have planned or need to prepare for or complete in the coming months?

On Monday, we will begin month two – week three of our Intentional Leadership Journey, continuing to focus on Relationships.

Have a great weekend, and I’ll “see” you on Monday!

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