Surely, you’ve had this experience: You have an expectation that someone will do something or something specific will happen… but it doesn’t. As a result, you may have become a little cranky, perhaps frustrated, or even angry.

I’m confident you said, “Yes,” because I’m confident it’s happened to all of us at least once in our life. More specifically, I’m contemplating those instances of it happening as an adult because we’re supposed to have grown wiser as we’ve aged (this is not always the case, however, based on my experience!). 

The Salon

I have a friend who is a hairstylist. She rents a space in a salon owned by another stylist. The salon owner recently decided to add a little retail shop in her salon. She is selling essential oils, journals, trendy t-shirts, and a few other items. To make space for this shop, she commandeered what used to be the client waiting room, and she changed the station spaces the other stylists rent from her. 

Here’s the catch: The shop was designed and set up by the owner. She didn’t ask the other stylists what they thought or if they wanted to be involved. She didn’t offer them any incentive or a percentage of any sales they might make from the shop. She did, however, “suggest” (vaguely, based on how the story was related to me by my friend) that they should encourage their clients to buy items from the shop. 

One Possible Hallucination

As we cannot see into the owner’s mind, nor have we engaged her in discussion about her vision for the shop or her expectations around what it might do for her business or how she imagines the other stylists might be involved, we can only imagine what she is thinking and what her expectations may be. This is why I refer to it as a possible “hallucination…” as it’s only in my mind, and my assumptions about what’s going on may be faulty! 

She has expressed her desire to supplement her normal income through sales from the shop. Because she has suggested her stylists should encourage their clients to buy things in the shop, I imagine (hallucinate = seeing something that isn’t actually there!) she’s hoping they are as excited about it as she is and will actively take part in promoting it and encouraging their clients to shop and purchase the wares on display. 

Increasing the Confusion

Another aspect of this story that has me even more confused is the fact that the owner is actually working fewer hours, now that the shop is “open” than she used to before she added it to the salon. If she wants to grow her revenue, working less doesn’t make sense. Nor does it make sense to create an add-on to your business, which will require active promotion, a live body in the shop to answer questions, encourage purchases, and handle the transactions, and then be there fewer hours. 

And based on the story, as related to me by my friend, the other stylists in the salon take no ownership for this new shop. They aren’t actively promoting it or encouraging their clients to shop in it. In fact, they are actively and openly questioning the salon owners’ thinking and expectations.

Compounding a less-than-ideal situation is the fact that this salon is a “destination” kind of location. You don’t wander by or into it because you’re strolling down the lane filled with other shops, café’s, or anything of the like. It’s situated in a little older house, next door to an auto-glass shop… on a street with a 45-mph speed limit. There is no random, walk-in traffic. 

Recipe for Disaster

This is just one story, one situation in which there appears to be some unspoken expectations. Yes, the stylists could simply come out and ask her what she’s thinking and what her expectations are, but they won’t. Besides continue to service their clients, they’re busy making assumptions that she’s expecting them to do more work on her behalf with no benefit to them. 

Based on experience, unless one of them is compelled to bring this up in conversation, the shop will not be a success, the owner will be frustrated and confused about why it failed and why no one helped her, and the stylists will feel justified in saying, “I told you…” 

It’s Painful for All Involved

While this specific situation may not be even remotely related to your business, it still has implications for you and your business. I would be willing to bet a months’ salary that someone in your organization – maybe even you – has unexpressed expectations about something. 

There’s some specific task you expect someone to take on and complete. There’s an expected outcome… or a specific path someone is expected to take to get a task completed. It may be about thinking or behavior or action, but there’s some unspoken expectation harbored in someone’s mind, and when what they expect doesn’t happen, it creates misunderstanding and frustration, perhaps regrettable communication, and may even undermine relationships. 

I know, because it’s happened to me when I was an employee. It’s happened to me when I was supervising others. And it’s happened in my personal life, with more than one person and on more than one occasion. And in the spirit of full transparency, I’ve been on both ends of this equation – as the person with the unspoken expectations and as the person who was expected to have active ESP and just know what the other person was thinking or wanted. 

Regardless of which end of the equation you are on the result is not fun. 

Implications for Your Business

Perhaps the more important thing to focus on, however, is “what does it mean for your business?” 

Here are some questions you might ask yourself, if things in your organization are not going as expected: 

• What exactly am I expecting of my people? 
• How have I communicated my expectations to them?
• How did I check for understanding, after communicating my expectations? 
• What did I do to refine my expectations in situations where it appears they were not clearly understood? 
• What responsibility do I have in this situation (assuming something wasn’t completed due to lack of communication or a miscommunication)?
• What could I have done differently, to ensure I articulated my expectations in a clear manner and that the person I shared them with understood and was ready to take responsibility to meet them? 
• What could I do differently in the future to avoid a similar misunderstanding? 

What I Know for Sure

One thing I know for sure is that in any given interaction, at least two people own a piece of what happens. So, when a communication or interaction goes awry, and the outcome is not what I desired or expected, I am well served to first question what my personal role was, before looking to the other party to consider what went wrong. 

I also recognize that when I have unspoken expectations and things don’t go as I’d like them to, I’ve done the other person a disservice by not letting them in on what I’m thinking. Regardless of how long or how well I’ve known someone, it’s not fair to them to expect they can read my mind. Finally, I remind myself that allowing this to become an ongoing behavior can be damaging to the relationship over time. 

Let Me Hear from You

I’m curious to know how this expectation of the people in your life having ESP and just knowing what you want plays out in your life. Send me a note or leave a comment and share your story so we can all learn from it together. 

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Copyright 2019 Laura Prisc, Conscious Leadership Partners  www.consciousleadershippartners.com

Laura Prisc is The Most Trusted Authority on Conscious Leadership; she is a certified Gallup Strengths Coach, certified People Acuity Coach, Gallup-Trained Builder Profile Coach, and a member of the John Maxwell Team.