“FBLEMUR” is not a word; Lessons from playing “collaborative Scrabble”

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Scrabble Game Board

It’s true: FBLEMUR is NOT an acceptable word in the Scrabble dictionary. I know. I checked.

As I did with a number of other potential words. Like: Oahutua. Ibexslingo.

On the other hand, there are a number of words that turn out to be acceptable in the Scrabble dictionary that I would have bet good money were not words.

So, there you have it: The paradigms we’ve been using as the frameworks for how the world works are not necessarily sound. Big surprise – right?!!

I bet you’re wondering how I’ve come by this precious and shocking wisdom. Here’s the story.

Game Play and Competition

I have a 13-year-old son. We play games. While I know that a little healthy competition is normal and can be a good thing, I’m thoughtful about how it is modeled.

In fact, as a certified Strengths Coach, I know some people are literally hard-wired for competition; but there are healthy levels and unhealthy levels of how that shows up.

Back to the games… Games are obviously set up for competition. There are rules. There are players. There are expectations that someone wins, and someone loses.

But what if we could change the rules, the way we think about and play, and subsequently, change the outcomes? What if we could create space for creativity and collaboration, instead?

When my son was younger, he had the Cars (movie) version of Monopoly. Instead of hotels, we bought specific cars from the movie, and they were more or less expensive just like the houses and hotels in the traditional version. Of course, we often had our favorites; I loved Uncle Topolino!

As we made our way around the board, buying cars and building wealth – or losing it, as the case might have been – we also helped each other once in a while. He might forgive an expected payment when I landed on one of his parking spaces but was low on cash. Or we might trade cars, so one or both of us could have a complete set of preferred cars.

Collaborative Scrabble

It’s similar to how we play Scrabble now. We ask for and trade specific letters that we need to make a word. Sometimes, we slide our letter tray around so the other can see and we work together to come up with words and figure out where they might fit on the board.

The whole idea is how to make really good words. Certainly, we also want to get good points out of the words we make, but really, it’s more about making good words, using more letters, and having fun.

In fact, collaborative Scrabble is always marked by lots of laughter over the ridiculous words we come up with. Like FBLEMUR, or OAHUTUA. Or the time when we were discussing what to do with the Z… and I said, “you could make Zip, Zap, or Zebedee!”

Don’t ask me why – Zebedee?! – obviously, the letters weren’t actually available to make it, but it simply flowed out of my mouth in the moment. It was even funnier when one of the readings in church the next day was, in fact, about Zebedee! We’re still laughing about it weeks later.

So, what’s the point of all this, you might wonder? Why is she writing to me when I’m a leader, a business owner, someone trying to get something serious done???

Because it applies to you. Especially now.

The New is Emerging

The way we’ve been working and living is no longer the norm, nor will it be the norm when we emerge from the current COVID-19 situation. Something new is being birthed and we have choices to make about how we will either flow with it or resist it as it unfolds.

This is a time for creativity, for innovation, for examining and busting old paradigms, for creating new ones. It’s a time to come together and really connect with the people around us. To explore and being to life the collective genius we embody.

It’s time to assess and inventory our real resources – both tangible and intellectual – and design new ways of thinking, creating, collaborating, working, and living.

It’s a time for new leadership to emerge; and perhaps, a time for ineffective leadership to fade away.

It’s dressed in frightening clothing, for sure… but don’t mistake the opportunity facing each of us. It’s a new time. What will you do with it?

What will you do?
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How to Lead through COVID-19

What’s a Leader to do in these Uncertain Times?

If you’re in a leadership position, you are no doubt being tested, as we continue to move into the uncertainty created by the spread of COVID-19 and the subsequent shutting down of most schools, businesses, etc.

These are the times when it will become very apparent who you are, what you’re made of, and what kind of leader you aspire to be.

Perhaps the hardest part of this season is that you, just like everyone else, is also experiencing this shift in a very real and personal way. At the same time, you are supposed to be ready, willing, and able to stand up with confidence and lead your team, your organization through this.

The waters are uncharted; we’ve never been in a situation just like this before. And it’s continuously unfolding. Paradigms are shifting. Beliefs and values are being exposed. No one really knows what we’ll be living in when we come through the other side.

What’s a leader to do in these uncertain times? How do you deal with your own personal fear, uncertainty, and dis-ease with what’s playing out around you? And then, present a calm, resilient, forward-focused demeanor to your people?

Certainly, there are many facets to this story… paragraphs and chapters still being written. No one really knows.

What I feel confident of, is this: There is opportunity here to not just survive, but the thrive. To grow personally and professionally, as people and as leaders. There is opportunity for changing our beliefs and paradigms about what business looks like, how it works, and how teams come together to serve each other and their clients.

To that end, it’s important to understand that moving through any kind of change is similar to moving through the stages of grief. There is denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Each stage marked with its own recognizable characteristics and behaviors.

Each person moves through this process at different rates of speed; and to be fully transparent, some people make it to a specific stage and get stuck (I know one woman who is literally still stuck in an experience from 2004; she’s not processed, released, accepted, nor moved forward and it impacts every aspect of her life).

Part of your leadership role is to understand this process. The create and communicate a path forward. To understand where each of your people is along this continuum and help them through it. To do that requires you to recognize and respond – with compassion and thoughtfulness – to their fear.

No one can really hear you or move forward when they are gripped with fear.

Please don’t mistake my intention here. I’m not trying to bring you down in an already uncomfortable season of time. Rather, I want you to see clearly a very real aspect of your work that can hold you and your entire organization from moving forward.

Once you see it, you can think into how to respond to it, to create a path and a plan for moving forward.

But if you are still in one of those stages of the grief – change process before fully reaching acceptance, you need someone to see, hear, and offer you compassion, as well.

That’s why I filmed a short video lesson for you this morning. You can watch it here.

Then, you can reach out if you’re in need of an objective strategic thinking partner who can walk through this with you. If we’ve worked together in the past, I want to gift you with a complimentary 30-minute Thinking Partner session.

If we haven’t worked together, yet, but you want to find out if we are a good fit, I will gift you with a complimentary 30-minute Consult.

And if you’ve not already received a copy of my book: Conscious Leadership – Are Your Leaders Wide Awake?, you can request it here.

Whatever you do, don’t go through this alone. The greatest waste on our planet is human talent. The collective brain power available to you is exponentially beyond your individual potential. Consider this an opportunity to rethink your work, your business, your processes… and come through to the other side with creativity, collaboration, and confidence.

I hope you and yours are well and healthy. I look forward to connecting with you soon; in the meantime, have an intentional day.

Positively!

Laura

PS – Tuck this video link away for future reference. COVID-19 will pass, but other changes will soon follow, and the message will be a good thought starter for you then, as well.

 

 

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Finding Your Way Through Uncertainty with Coach, Author, Trainer, and Consultant, Dr. Dorothy Bonvillain

Dr-Dorothy-Bonvillain

“Once you’ve tasted significance, success will never be enough.” ~ John C. Maxwell

That statement, made by leadership expert, John C. Maxwell, near the end of a transformational leadership mission trip to Guatemala really had an impact on Dr. Dorothy Bonvillain. She’s been contemplating it ever since and is using it as the foundation for the work she does today.

Dorothy has lived one of the most interesting lives I’ve heard stories from. She’s been a military wife for 50 years, having traveled the world, raised her children, earned her PhD in Leadership & Educational Administration, and built a career that allows her to use her considerable gifts and strengths in a way that’s making a difference in the world.

Today’s conversation begins by touching on an article Dorothy wrote recently describing a particular challenge in today’s world, and especially for military spouses. What do you do when you are alone because your spouse is on some extended deployment, you feel lonely and abandoned, and in the course of your work a member of the opposite sex finds you attractive and propositions you?

In her case, she was working in a shop as a salesperson and men were coming in to purchase gifts for their sweethearts (Valentine’s Day, perhaps?). As Dorothy was helping them make appropriate selections for wives and girlfriends, some of the men took an interest in Dorothy and attempted to seduce her.

Knowing what mattered most to her, Dorothy remained strong and resisted the temptation, but she understood that for many others, the temptation may be too strong, and some would fall. Today, she’s focused on helping military spouses define their core values, which is how one discerns what’s ok and not ok when faced with a choice. She works to help them discover their gifts and interests so they can find fulfilling work or build a business that allows them some sense of consistency and value when their lives are frequently unsettled through relocations and new assignments.

She’s asked herself: “What would I have wanted a Sr. Military person or wife to have told me when I was young and just starting this life?” And as she comes up with the answers to that question, she fills in the blanks and shares the wisdom with those who are now in the shoes she once wore.

Dorothy’s Bio

Dr. Dorothy is a Certified Coach and Founder of Warrior Family Legacy Foundation (WFLF). The mission of WFLF is to Build Families and Create Legacy for military families through Personal Growth & Development, and to connect the philanthropic community to veteran and active-duty families for additional support.

Dr. Bonvillain earned her PhD in Leadership & Educational Administration at American University, Washington, DC. and has continued to invest in herself as a Coach, Author, Speaker, and Entrepreneur. With fifty years of service as the wife of an Army Ranger, Dr. Dorothy has a passion to serve as a ‘Voice of Wisdom’ for our global military community and people who love them.

Her mission is building stronger families and inspire them to go from ‘surviving to thriving.’ In her book, Loving Your Life: 7 Steps for Military Wives, Dorothy offers practical steps in seven key areas of life. Her children’s book, Wally Goes to School, introduces children (age 7-11) to leadership principles and the value of mentorship by parents, grandparents, and teachers.

Dorothy’s experience crosses a broad, global spectrum, in part:

  • Television Producer/Host: Access Tucson TV: “Military Wives: Serving Those Who Serve” (2015), “Learning to Live on Purpose” (2013-2014).
  • Presenter/Keynote Speaker: Chamber of Commerce Leadership Program, Intercultural Management Institute, American University, ‘Women in Business’ Cochise College, ‘Sisters & Brothers in Arms’, Ft. Huachuca, AZ
  • Special Consultant to Minister of Education, Sultanate of Oman: Team Lead and sole American, International Research Team.
  • Program Manager: Embassy of Saudi Arabia & National Council on US- Arab Relations, Washington, DC.
  • Trainer/Curriculum Developer: General Dynamics Information Technology, Cultural Awareness/Cultural Competence.
  • Chief of Partnership: TRADOC Culture Center, ISC Consulting Group.
  • High School Principal, Sierra Vista, Arizona.

Dr. Bonvillain’s published work includes: Loving Your Life: 7 Steps for Military Wives; Traditional Handicrafts of Oman; Wally Goes to School; and What’s in Your Wiggle, as well as articles in professional journals. She can be contacted at www.warriorfamilylegacyfoundation.com or dorothybonvillain@gmail.com.

For More:

Megan Macedo
Man’s Search for Meaning — Book
Christian Simpson

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