The Lens She Saw Me Through
“You’re just a Kelly girl,”she said.
I can still remember the feeling of that statement. The thoughts that ran through my head and the sensations in my body as her words reverberated through my mind.
“Just a Kelly girl.”
It felt small, dirty, less-than, belittling. It put me in a box that didn’t accurately describe who I was or what I was capable of, nor did it allow for the full expansion of all I had to offer.
You Know the Feeling, Don’t You?
Have you ever experienced that? Has someone in your life – in any area of your life – relegated you to a less-than kind of position or feeling?
I’d be shocked if you said it hasn’t happened; that you haven’t experienced this, yet. I’ve come to understand that it happens far too often; every day, in fact.
The people around us do not see us for who we fully are, nor do their frameworks allow the space for us to fully show up. It happens, sometimes, because of the way we become connected to others, the way we are introduced, and the purpose of what’s going on between us.
It Was Partially True…
In the story I began to tell, I was working as a Communication Manager in a hospital. The woman who spoke those words to me – who labeled me “just a Kelly girl” – was my boss. As belittling as they felt, they were partially true.
I had come to the position I was in through Kelly Employment Services. If you’re not aware of the history, being a “Kelly Girl” was, once upon a time, a most desirable thing to be. Kelly Employment Services had a long history of providing capable, competent, skilled workers (mostly women, at least in the beinning) for temporary assignments in offices across the U.S.
Yes, it was known for providing good secretaries, and eventually expanded into offering other kinds of skilled workers and expertise. And I had been hired by the hospital through Kelly Services on a temporary basis. It was the only way in the door. It was how the job was posted.
I’d been looking for a new position when this one popped up in the local newspaper (Indeed and Monster didn’t yet exist). It was a blind ad, so the only way to apply was through Kelly. It was a relatively common tactic at the time. Employers would hire through agencies on a temp basis in case the person didn’t work out in the first few months, it wouldn’t be complicated to let them go.
So, because I was really interested in the job, I signed on with Kelly Services; it was the one and only job I ever did through them. But my boss didn’t know that. She wasn’t aware of the hospital’s hiring practices or use of Kelly Services to bring people in on a trial basis. She just knew that’s “where I came from” and it became the label she affixed to me. Clearly – based on her words, tone, and actions – this assumption formed her opinion of what I was capable of… and in her mind, it wasn’t much! To say we had a healthy, smooth relationship built on mutual respect would be stretching the truth far too thin!
It Happens Everywhere, Every Day
It continues to happen today, and not just to me.
One of my clients is a very sharp, competent woman with an EMBA from a favorable university and two decades of increasingly responsible work experience in her field of expertise. About 18 months ago, she chose not to continue working in an exceedingly hostile and dysfunctional team, but still needed to work. Because of her family situation, she chose to look for opportunities in and around the community in which they lived, as relocating wasn’t a good option.
She had formed what she thought was a healthy, positive relationship with a leader in a related area of the organization, and when he learned she was available he offered her a position. As it turned out, he was in transition also, moving into a new initiative that wasn’t yet fully established, had a limited budget, and no support staff.
His strengths do not fall on the organizational, structural, focused planning end of the spectrum. Hers do. And because she thought she was demonstrating a willingness to pitch in and do whatever it took to make this new program not only viable but highly successful, she did something that was easy for her. She created structure in the office and in the program.
Having been used to having an executive assistant in his former role, he was thrilled when she started handling a lot of those tasks for him. It may have been a fatal error in judgment – for both of them, but for different reasons.
While she has considerably more to offer in terms of strategic thinking, relationship building, and program management, she established a pattern of willingly and cheerfully (at least in the beginning) handling all the more pedestrian tasks that always need to be handled in any office. He, finding those tasks tedious, and perhaps even beneath him, has gladly taken advantage of her excellent skills. And because they are the only two people on the team, there is no one else available to delegate those tasks to.
Unfortunately, it appears to have limited what he believes she is actually capable of and he has quit involving her in anything more meaningful in the work of the program. She, in turn, has become increasingly frustrated and less engaged in her work. She knows she’s capable of offering significantly more than he seems willing to see or allow.
Why Does It Happen?
Over the course of the 25+ years I’ve been working, I’ve come to realize that each of us views the world through a singularly unique lens and it’s comprised of several often-unrecognized facets of who we become over the course of our lives. When we walk through life on auto-pilot, it’s easy to fall into patterns of thinking and behavior that put very limited views on people, situations, and experiences.
Here’s another example. I have two businesses. One of them is a creative off-site meeting space where teams, Boards, and organizations can come to hold strategic planning, training, project kick-offs, team building, and numerous other kinds of meetings or workshops. I sometimes use it for work as part of my primary business as an Executive Coach, Teacher, and Facilitator, bringing clients in for coaching, training, and some of the other work I do.
When I staff the space, meaning there are client organizations who want to use one of the rooms for their meeting or event, but don’t need my unique expertise, I am there in a Customer Service capacity only. I ensure their room is set up appropriately, they have everything they need for a successful meeting, help the caterer set up when he/she brings in lunch, and thank them for their business on their way out at the end of the day.
If this is the only capacity in which they ever interact with me, it’s easy for them to put me in that Customer Service box, without any concept that I’m capable of serving them in much more meaningful and significant ways. It’s not likely they’ll hire me as a Coach or Facilitator; that work doesn’t fit that box.
If they see me somewhere else, demonstrating my Coaching, Teaching, Speaking, or Facilitating expertise, they may be surprised to find me staffing my meeting space when they show up for a meeting… because being the Customer Service person doesn’t fit the Executive Coach box.
In either situation, I think the potential for us both to miss out is high. And I suspect there are areas of your work and personal life that are creating the same kind of artificial and unfortunate limitations.
Fitting People into the Gaps
During my 25+ years in business, I’ve seen far too many managers and leaders fill the gaps in their organizations with people who are not the right fit for the new role, simply because it was fast, felt easy, and was convenient. Rarely does it work well.
I don’t think it’s driven by malicious intent, rather expediency or the false assumption that it’s efficient and cost effective. What happens most often, in fact, is that people are moved into roles – or given additional responsibilities – for which they are partially qualified, but not really gifted in or excited about. Perhaps team members acquiesce because they fear losing their job or status in the company. Maybe they agree because they don’t really know what their perfect role is, yet, and they think it’s a good plan to take on whatever comes their way and try it on for size.
Managers may do it because a particular person appears to adapt well, be willing to take on any task they are given and can do at least a passable job. The reasons on both sides of the equation are many and often convoluted.
In the long run, I don’t believe this is a sound strategy. Similar to the Peter Principal, which says that people rise to the level of their incompetency, I think sometimes they move sideways to the level of their incompetency, as well. And then a common, but wrong, assumption is made: Because they are now underperforming in the new role, or don’t have a highly motivated attitude about the new work they’ve taken on, maybe they aren’t as skilled and competent and valuable as they were thought to be previously.
What I know for sure
Every single one of us is hard-wired for specific styles, preferences, skills, and talents. Simply because this is so, doesn’t mean we automatically recognize, understand, or develop all of them to use them intentionally. In addition, many roles we take on don’t require us – or maybe provide opportunity for us – to demonstrate all of our strengths, so some will remain hidden. And if others can’t see them or don’t experience them, it’s easy to dismiss the possibility they exist.
Which creates the perfect environment for us to conclude the people around us are capable of less than what is their true ability to create and serve. This is all the more reason to create time and space to get to know the people around you – be they co-workers, friends, neighbors, and even family members – at a deeper level… to discover what ignites their soul, what kinds of activities spark their curiosity and creativity… to ask what they are interested in learning about or trying next.
In a way, it’s a succession-planning exercise, but not restricted to filling only key leadership roles. And while it’s time-consuming, meaning you have to slow down to have a meaningful conversation, it will serve you well in the long-term, as you’ll have more engaged people on your team when they discover you are actually interested in who they are and what they get excited about. You’ll have greater success when you “fill gaps,” as you’ll be able to create a better fit when you do it intentionally and in an informed way.
You’ll discover strengths, skills, talents, and interests in people you would have never imagined were there, and that higher level of engagement pays tremendous dividends in numerous ways over time, not the least of which are absenteeism, morale, recruiting & retention, waste, turnover, and so many more.
Who Are You Not Seeing Clearly?
With this in mind, I offer you a challenge. Over the next week, I encourage you to look more closely at the people around you, whether it’s at work, at home, or when you’re out in the community. Get curious. Actively wonder what hidden talents they might be holding and imagine how your work and the world might be a different, better, place if those talents were unlocked and unleashed.
Take the next step and engage in the conversation, again from a base of curiosity. Seek first to understand and ask the kinds of questions that will draw people into a meaningful conversation about what they long to create in the world and how you can support it.
Then, take a minute and leave a comment to share what you’ve discovered.
