So often, as we consider various actions and options, we ask “Can I?”
I don’t know about you, but I find that to be a very limiting question. It assumes there is a yes or a no answer. Are you able or are you not? Do you have permission, resources, etc…?
It’s very black and white. I have come to realize that I prefer to live more in the gray areas. You know, those places where the answer to most questions is “It depends,” because there are so many variables to consider.
What if we changed the question to “How can I?”
How can I?
Asking “how can I?” assumes that whatever you want to do is, in fact, possible. It may take some focused brainpower, some innovation, some reflection, some consideration of ideas you may not have wanted to pursue…it may take you to some uncomfortable places and cause you to need to learn something new…but, it assumes whatever you want to do is possible.
In the early 1990’s, I was single, lived alone in a small, one-bedroom apartment, and worked in a credit union. I had been looking at and wanting some furniture — a sofa and oversized chair and ottoman — for several years, but never felt I could afford. One day, I was in the furniture store’s clearance center and saw one of the chairs there. I sent me into a brief panic, thinking that line was being closed out and would no longer be available when I eventually felt I could afford to buy it.
For several years, I had been looking at purchasing this furniture in the “can I?” mode.
I was suddenly very motivated to do some real research. I discovered it wasn’t being closed out; I could still order it. I discovered when the next significant sale would be. I worked out a plan to have the pieces I wanted delivered to a location near where I lived (the store I was shopping in was nearly 4 hours from my home), and found someone with a truck and trailer who could pick it up. I spent a lot of time considering my finances and what I was willing to do differently with respect to spending and saving and planning.
I had shifted gears into “how can I?” mode. And this made all the difference.
I’m not saying it happened overnight, was easy, and required no sacrifice on my part, but it happened. Several months after seeing the chair in the clearance center, I was lounging comfortably on my new sofa, next to my beautiful oversized chair, which just barely fit into my tiny apartment. I loved that furniture til the day I donated it to a local mission a number of years later (big changes in my life, resulted in new furniture needs!).
I realize this is a pretty simplistic — and insignificant — example of how using this question can change your perspective, your ingenuity, your creativity, and your outcomes, but it represents the concept well enough, I think.
Let me know how asking “HOW can I?” is changing your life.
